Be U: In it To Be All

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

In it To Be All - 'Others'

I live my day in it to be all that I can be. I feel my way through. I am learning to not compare my own journey to that of any other.

My life, my journey, my thoughts, my experiences, my body, my lessons.

This is your life, your journey, your thoughts, your experiences, your body and your lessons that only you can fully live. No one else anywhere is You. No one else anywhere can experience life and think and feel and be exactly like you.

May You be in it to be all that you are. Allow You to be so. Allow You to happen; with your skill of being aware on.

When I see others feeling a different way than I or others on a different playing field than I, or others share with me a certain thing that they believe to be negative, I don't have to allow these others to change what I am feeling, especially if the way they are feeling is not a fun way for me to feel. I can choose and own what and how I want to feel always.

Who are these 'others'... These 'others' are You and I and people we love or someone loves...

It matters most how we experience what we experience when we experience and why we experience what we experience. Hmmm. What is negative (or positive) to one, is not always negative or positive for all. "If we clear out the 'bad' people in our lives, we are better off." "If we only surround ourselves with people that 'feel like sunshine', we will have better lives."

While I get the gist of this, I'm not sure I truly buy into it.

Whatever, whoever comes our way has no ability to change how we think or feel or see unless we let it/them; unless we choose to let it be so.

I can choose positive any time I want. I can choose hurt any time I want. I can choose laughter any time I want.

I am not saying it is easy. It is not. It is much easier being with people that we feel pick us up, support us, make us laugh and are easy for us to love. However, it is these same people that just may bring another down, make another cry and are not at all easy for another to love.

So, is it the person (the other) or is it our own reaction to same...

Perhaps, just for a certain period of time, choose to stay in your own happy place or comfortable place or contentment place. Notice what challenges it and see if you can still choose this place of your choosing for as long as you desire. Practice. Practice. Practice.

May you realize that, perhaps, it is not others so much as it is our own reaction, buying into, believing, touching on a sore spot, etc. that changes the way we feel and not these 'others'.

Perhaps, it can be an interesting concept to try; if nothing else. May you let this trial show you who you are and what you believe and, especially, how you react to outside stimuli.

May you get your best self up and running and see how long you 'choose' to stay here. There is no right or wrong answer.

I do know that contentment, comfortable and happy feel better than their opposites; for me, mostly, all of the time.

May you give you some of what feels better because you can choose for it to be so.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!