Be U: OKayness

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

OKayness

In this moment...

When we open up to 'this moment' and enter into it through all our senses, we see it for what it is. We don't get stuck on only the emotional, only the feeling, only the seeing, only the knowing, only the flavor, or only just the scent. When we pull it all together and look, see, feel, know and experience the reality of it, we are bringing the wholeness of ourselves into it. We are bringing our own, at the very least, 'OKayness' into it.

There are moments that certainly pull us away from our OKayness. If we react from a habitual response and it doesn't feel positive... If we react from a difficult emotional feeling... If we react from 'well, this never happened before' or 'I always have done it this way my whole life' point of view... we get away from our OKayness within our whole self. We may be expecting or wanting to experience this moment differently. We are not being in this moment and experiencing and seeing it as a whole, legitimate, now and new moment. We can easily tie it in with our ways from our past or images of what could be untruths about our future.

Just because it never happened before or we always did it a certain way does not mean that any current moment will coincide and cooperate with these stagnant thoughts or way of thinking. We just might find ourselves challenged because of this way of thinking.

Life is always new. Life is always changing. Who we are is always evolving; always experiencing anew.

When we bring the truth of what we are experiencing and look at it with our whole self (all our senses), we can often and practically choose the experience we are going to have. It is almost like stepping back or out of the experience to see it and decide from the learned and evolved being that we are in this moment, more than one way to choose to experience it.

I choose as best I can to experience each moment from peace, openness, awareness and OKayness. If I am not feeling okay, I can stop and see it from a different perspective and open up to my okayness with the experience -- trusting and believing in the process of life AND trusting and believing in the process of me and my capabilities.

If you don't like the way you are feeling, may you stop, look and listen and choose your reaction knowing that you are okay even though you may not like the situation. You are okay in your oneness with this moment.

Yes, you are having a panic attack. Yes, you are experiencing fear. Yes, you are experiencing pain. Yes, you are experiencing a huge desire to want things to be different. Yes, you are experiencing wanting to know something that you don't know... Yet, through it all... [or is it underneath it all or above it all] you can still 'look' at yourself and see that you are OK. You can choose to live in this part of you which is OK anytime you choose it to be so.

May you choose your OKayness as often and as much as possible.

If you are not okay, what are you resisting... what are you holding on to... what are you telling yourself that keeps you from connecting to your OKayness.

May you connect to your OKayness.

With this breath you take just now, there is an okayness present. You only need to allow it to be so.

May you allow your OKayness to be so.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!