Be U: Nothing But Blue Skies...

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Nothing But Blue Skies...

It is 8:11 p.m. on Wednesday evening and I was blessed with the most beautiful blue sky, the moon, beautiful colors, a lovely breeze and happy dogs as the sun went down tonight.

The days seem to be zooming by. The hours, at times, feel like mere moments. My sleep has been sporadic but relaxed and enjoyable. I seem to wake up often, read a few pages of a book and fall right back to sleep. I find myself not struggling with it. I find myself accepting it as so and believing that it is part of the process; my healing process and my growth into a deeper wholeness. I may be nuts but that is what I am telling myself. I feel my fingers flexing and my body relaxing deeply into the mattress. I hear myself ask for healing and wholeness; ease and the best version of myself possible.

I believe. I believe in the possibility of it. I believe in the possibilities of me.

I find myself alone as my husband is traveling for business. I have my trusting and devoted animals. My Little Bear, Tiffany (dogs) and Kali (the cat). They keep me company and are so used to me being around.

Today, I found myself enjoying my alone time and embracing it. I found myself sad and down. When I mentioned to a girlfriend this and commented on what a RIDE life is, she came back with 'It sure is. Some days we ride on yachts and other days we ride on dinghies. LOL. That surely was funny to me. What a hoot. And, it isn't a stretch to experience both ends of the feelings spectrum in one day; in one hour; even in one moment. It is the process of life, at times.

So, when you are 'riding' the yacht version, may you know great gratitude and great joy. When you are on the dinghy version, I'd like to think that we can know great gratitude and great joy also. It may be a bit more uncomfortable or challenging, yet, we are still living and experiencing; growing and becoming.

May you believe in the possibility of your dreams within. May you believe in the possibilities of you.

May you be in joy as much as possible and as often as possible as you ride through your journey of living your life.

There won't be 'nothing but blue skies' for the rest of your days. However, you can open up to the full experience of whatever is going on in the 'sky'.

Namaste.

May you let ease, love, gratitude and trust ride with you... May you be open to experiencing it all.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!