Be U: All or Nothing and Everything in Between

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, April 30, 2018

All or Nothing and Everything in Between

Sometimes, life seems to be going really well. Sometimes, it feels like everything is going wrong. Some things are black. Others are white.

And there is a whole broad spectrum of colors and 'things' that can be going on and balancing out and taking us exactly down the road that it is best for us to travel.

Lately, I've been in 'Funkytown'. My energy level is low. My desire to do anything is close to non-existent. I am tired of my routine life day in and day out.

I had a wonderful birthday with so many people reaching out and showing me love. I was overwhelmed with it. I am so grateful for each and everyone that stopped to say hello or offer me a 'date' or send me a gift or a phone call, facetime, text, and/or email. My social media 'blew up' and I have been greatly honored.

There are many more people that are caring and loving than that are not. Our world has so much to offer and the people in it are a joy to experience; especially as they come from their authentic, true, open to the be the best of themselves; caring; empathetic; and just wanting connection with other people. I think connection with people is probably a number one thing that lifts us up; me anyway.

I'd like to take us back to the beginning sentences that discuss the grey areas and all the colors on the spectrum. There are even several colors of each color of the rainbow (or the chakras) that are possibilities to 'journey' through.

Life is not just black and white; good or bad; easy or hard; for fun or for working. Life just is.

So, while a 'funk' is hovering within my energy field (ha), I choose to accept it. I choose to think that with my feeling the funk, it will change my every day routine. My daily routine that I'm just not feeling currently. The one that I want a break from just now.

I want to turn my funkytown doldrums into a funkytown dance opportunity. Perhaps, I first have to feel the 'funk' in order to allow/make/create something different/more/better to happen.

Feelings, people, experiences come into our lives just as they are supposed to for reasons that we may not know or understand. As we 'funk out' with each endeavor with an open mind, open heart and open spirit, we just may find the next beautiful step into our best version of ourselves.

Life is a journey and I choose to live in the full spectrum without beating myself [or any color that may arise] up because it doesn't feel like I am on the easiest route. It just may be the best route to the magic within.

This is where I want to live. From the magic, truth, love, trust, openness and innate knowing within myself.

I am going to trust the process, trust myself and trust my journey.

May you trust the process, trust yourself and trust your journey. Live it. Admire it. Believe it. Know it. Be it. Walk it. and, May you love yourself through.

I bow my head in honor of honoring what is. There is a reason for it and all I need do is believe, experience, bend, flow and stay open.

I expand. I choose not to contract any more.

I live who, what, where and from the me as I am now.

May you live who, what, where and from the you that you are now.

Namaste. Blessed be. Blessings. Blessed.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!