Be U: My Favorite

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, December 3, 2012

My Favorite - 'Not'

I went to the dentist today. Actually, two. I have had an unexplainable sensation down in my low gum area and for the last six months; no ex-rays or dentists have been able to explain it.

I went to a root canal dentist today - an Endodontist, and he too, could not explain it, at first. Trying three different x-ray holders to get the x-ray in my mouth and each one impossible to fit until the last one; with tears running down my eyes, we got it in (bless the dentist) and ended up missing the exact area.... Luckily, several months back, I did have x-rays done from this same area - nothing showed.

He did the knock on the tooth test, he did the ice, he did push against the gum test... lo and behold it's a muscle that we all have, connecting the gum to the lip and scleroderma has hardened this area and it's like the size of the muscle is too small to do the work properly. It has lost its elasticity. Hence the soreness in my mouth. It is not painful, it doesn't hurt - it's a mere annoyance and when I push against it - discomfort at best.

I left the office feeling down and low and wondering how much more I'm willing to try to cope with. I soon realized the great news that I did not have to get root canal and we now know what it is at least.

Not a great thing - and I know it could be so much worse....

So, as I learn to accept more; live with what is; feel light when I want to feel dark - I am thankful for the good, the beauty and the love I have in my life and in my heart.

If something wants to pull you down - do you know you have a choice of whether to let it or not.... Can you find the reason to look at something positive and honor what sad or negative thoughts come up and move on to think thoughts that make you feel better than worse. YOU HAVE THIS POWER.

May you know your power and use it at dark and fearful times that creep into our lives without reason, cause or warning.

Your thoughts can win if you let them.

Let your thoughts win today. You are worthy of this. You are entitled to this. Our world is better when you do this. Don't write off or ignore the pain; just create peace in the chaos.

May you know which thoughts work best and may you use them as much as you possibly can as often as you can.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!