Burned

I have burned myself out.  I have used up too much of me to make this move and make it fast and make my new apartment ready to live in.  I forgot that doing this is part of living.  I was in 'get it done so I can live here' mode.  Oh, so not good.  I am completely burned out.  My mind is not thinking clearly; my body is abused and I have no more energy in my umph!

So, today, I sit; I lay; I eat; I watch TV; I read; I walk the dogs.  Today, I stay quiet and recharge and plug into all these things so I can recharge.

I turn off the phones, I turn off THE LISTS in my head, I turn off anything that doesn't feel like I'm recharging.

May you know what recharges you and give yourself permission to grab on and do it.

I have to say that what comes to my mind is that I look forward to when I allow exercise to recharge me once again. 

A new year is upon us!  What a perfect time to reboot! 

Happy New Year 2013.  May you start with a bang and sail through with ease, beauty and following your inner knowing.  I surely am ending with my inner knowledge getting buried deep - but, alas, I have found it and brought it to the forefront again.

I am grateful.

How do you really want to welcome in the New Year....  May you be courageous and loving enough to do it just this way. 

I honor your loving courageous way. 

 

Forgotten

I do believe that I have completely forgotten about myself.!  Yikes.  I am lost in organizing, settling in, making a 'nest', getting the job done and creating a comfortable spot for myself and my family.

I have forgotten to check in with myself - or,.... is the truth more that I have let go of this for now to get the job done.  Mmmm  I have let go of what I'm feeling, needing and my strong connection to self to get the goal of THE MOVE complete enough to feel settled. 

I want to relax AND get it done.  I am finding myself lost in space.  I know I am here.   I know I am crossing things off of THE LIST.  Yet, I FEEL very little if at all. 

Perhaps, I need to put on THE LIST - Breathe for 5 minutes, sit down for 10 minutes, forget about the list for one half hour.   This is where exercise would be a great thing.  If I stopped to workout or stretch or do some kind of movement routine to music - I would let go of everything and give the greatest gift I can give to myself - movement through joy.  (I am walking the dogs and they are so tiny they do not walk far and it is a joyful time for me. in the HEAT surrounded by palm trees may I add!  lol)

Knowing the hows, the whys, the to dos, the accuracies, the best ways -- means nothing if I don't do them....

Oh, Man,   I'm so angry -  I am only human after all.   I have given up ME to get all the human side of things done.

May you be on track with yourself getting the accomplishments complete and feeling your best self in the process.  (good luck with this one especially around the holidays or big changes in your life)

If you fall like I have, may you pick right back up - get right back on and proceed forward to the YOU that you are destined to be.

I go forward with this in my mind.....

Down

Wow.  I'm here in my Florida USA apartment and my cell phone service works intermittently and my house phone has no dial tone.  There is much to be done and I don't like admitting it, but, I'm NOT just letting it roll.  I feel stressed and anxious.

My heart is very happy.  The rest still has a bit of catching up to do.

I sit here now because the fire alarm (LOUD!!!!) just went off in the entire apartment unit and bells are ringing; lights are flashing and people are lined up in the parking lot. 

Luckily, no smoke or fire was found and the alarm is now off.

It's time to turn my own false alarm system off and let go and know I'll get it all done.  I know it is time for me to let go, believe and enjoy the things I am doing.   How lucky I am that I am where I've always wanted to be...

This is good.  Just have to tell my whole self this....

No more false alarms!

If you feel alarms going on in your body - may you know if they are real or make believe

AND if they are make belief or entirely custom made by you.....

May you turn off the alarms inside that are quite annoying and, also, are of no help to you!

To Be Done

I have arrived safely in Florida to my apartment.  Ahhhh.  That is quite a long drive.  One road - I95 from start to finish.   How wonderful that is.  It all begins to look the same and yet it's the simplest, of routes.  1200 miles, over 20 hours

There is much to be done, accomplished and enjoyed.   I think of what my mother would always say - Get it done then you can relax.  -  While there are some cells in my body that have not let this go (which may be a good thing); Years ago, I changed this saying to - Relax, you'll get it done.  This felt much better on me.

So, I say to you; if you are ever feeling overwhelmed with a chore list longer than your Christmas list as a child (ha);

May you relax while getting it done.  Be present to what you are doing.

                                     What a pretty presentation of food. Someone got it done!

Florida, USA

I'm leaving for Florida by car with dogs NOW!!!!  1200 miles to go.....

Here I come life......

Ha.

May you be going towards YOU always.

Beautiful Couple

I know a beautiful couple who is having a time of connection, hardship and, perhaps, loss.  It is interesting how God enters our lives and puts in front of us, things we may need to hear.  I hesitated printing this and then a beautiful poem came in my email last night and something strongly told me to share.  So, I share, with nothing but love, honor and peaceful moments of everlasting beauty.

From the book "Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander III, MD

"Kathy had affixed a poem over the photo.  It was written by David M. Romano in 1993, and was called "When Tomorrow Starts Without Me."  When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see, if the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today, While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say.  I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, And each time you think of me, I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, In heaven far above And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love.  But as I turned to walk away; A tear feel from my eye For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.  I had so much to live for, So much left yet to do, It seems almost impossible, that I was leaving you.  I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad, the thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had.  If I could relive yesterday Just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you And maybe see you smile.  But then I fully realized That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me.  And when I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did My heart was filled with sorrow.  But when I walked through heaven's gates I felt so much at home When God looked down and smiled at me From His great golden throne, he said, "This is eternity, And all I've promised you.  Today your life on earth is past But here it starts anew.  I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day's the same way, There's no longing for the past.  You have been so faithful, So trusting ad so true.  Though there were times You did some things You knew you shouldn't do.  But you have been forgiven and Now at least you're free.  So won't you come and take my hand And share my life with me?"  So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.

My Gia (5 year Maltese dog) died about this hour last Christmas Eve.  It was sad, horrible and devastating.  God is telling me she is okay. I'm allowed to miss her and feel whatever I feel. My dad was in hospice.  Last Christmas Eve was one of a kind and one I hope to never have to repeat.   I also feel that I can trust whatever I feel is okay and there are many people that support each other and Love Prevails Always.

May we trust the process, share our truth and support each other.  THIS is what life I want to try to live always.

If you have lost a loved one, know that you are not alone, yet the LOVE you shared is one of a kind.

Someone said life isn't easy but it's worth it.   I hope you feel this way and

May you have a beautiful Christmas Eve and be ever grateful if you have your loved one with you tonight.

Merry Christmas

May the spirit of joy, love and your inner knowing connect to those you enounter and their joy, love and inner knowing connect back.

"We are here to be of service.  We are not here to be seen."  Jean Houston

May you come from a place of connecting to others through your 'heartlight' and be willing to just be.

It's not as much about as people see us as it is how they feel when they leave our presence.

May your presence, as you celebrate the birth of Jesus, honor all those you touch this holiday season.

May you 'honor thyself' as well.

Words in my Mouth

"When temperatures drop, it doubles everything.  It doubles your pain; it doubles all your joints hurting and when it becomes physically harder on you, it becomes mentally harder on you."

From the TV show, "The Bering Sea Gold".

The man is talking about going into 32 deg F water.  I couldn't describe the affect that cold has on me any better.  It's like putting words in my mouth describing my experience.

May you be aware of how you perceive life and how it feels on you (if this is something that interests you).

Ah ha

I had a big 'aha' moment this morning.  While working with my husband (it's just a quick mention of him...ha) taping up boxes to ship to Florida, he asked me not to make the tape crinkle when I cut it.  Now, with my hands and holding scissors - - well, it's not a 'normal' grasp that I have.  So, when he said this with the intent that the tape be tightly sealed on the box, I took it as I might as well not live.  (yes, quite the drama queen).  I did feel right away that he was being mean and I got very sad and cried.

Later, this wonderful man was brave enough to ask me why I was so sad and cried.  I said that I can't grasp the scissors easily and his question reminded me I'm not perfect.  (oooooooo)

I realized right then and there (after dropping the pan lid onto the stove with a loud thunk, not being able to lift a pot to dump some food onto a plate easily -- that I have to accept that I'm not the person that wants to go out on Christmas Eve and be happy, festive, comfortable and able to do most things.  I am not this person.   I am a person that is not always strong, hurts in the cold, can't quickly or easily grab onto things, takes longer than most to eat and aches all the time.

I can, however, love and mingle, celebrate and share.  I can't put a pair of earrings on in under a minute and I can't change my own bracelets and necklaces.  However, I have bracelets and necklaces!

So, the sooner I be the person I am than the person I see myself as in a false light, the sooner I will be whole.  I will be me - all of me.  The good and not so good, the pleasant and not so pleasant.  BUT, I will be me.

Can I do this?  I don't know.   Am I going to try?  You betcha.

I continue on.

As you continue on your journey, may you love yourself through.

Wise Man

A wise man once said  . . . . .  

May you know when to be a 'wise man'. 

I stole this from a very smart and funny man on Facebook.

Another Einstein ism

"I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be."  Albert Einstein

I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.

From the book "Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander III, MD

I have to first realize who I think I am to be able to create who I will become.

May you know where you've come from; where you are and where you are going with as great ability as possible.

Believe?

"There are two ways to be fooled.  One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true."  Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."  Rene Descartes (1596-1650)

From the book "Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander III, MD

May you know the difference and wisdom of what to believe.

Value

"The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained liberation from the self."  Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

From the book "Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander III, MD

12/21/12

Cool numbers!  This could mean a lot of things; this could mean nothing

I hear talk about the end of the world; the end of the Mayan calendar; alignment of our solar system.

I want to feel peace settle in deeper; truth settle in stronger; and the sharing of both of these enabling us to climb up to our ultimate self and our ultimate world.

If only I could make this happen...   I can only live me and you can only live you.

How cool would it be if I did live me completely and you did live you completely.  AND, this completion made us all whole to the point we would believe we were safe; believe we could handle anything; believe we could love freely without extremely hurtful consequences.  ACCEPTANCE is a big word. 

I say we give it our best shot!

I'm remembering that these numbers that make up this date equal to the whole number of nine.  Nine can represent completion of the single digits.

Are we ready to say we've completed one chapter and we can now create together the next one as our world moves forward.  May we choose to move forward together as best we can.

May you live you to your truest DNA in body, mind, soul, spirit and light.   (Do Not Astray)

Who

Who can get the most frazzled?   Is this the game of today....

Who can get the most done while enjoying it?  Is this the game of today...

Who can do what makes them happy and this lead to making others happy?   Is the the game of today....

Which game is your goal to win?

I have experienced all three - and just in the last hour!   Ha.

May you enjoy what you are doing and let your whole being know enjoyment and be open to the world that you are choosing to be in today.

I'm wondering if many are saying - they are not choosing this day.....

May I offer if you are not choosing it  - then who is ?  Yikes.

I am dizzy just thinking about it.  Ha.

Miracle

My fish must have laid eggs in the tank today!  I am honored to be able to witness this miracle.  I am thrilled to share it with you.  WOW

Believe.   Miracles happen every day!

Hustle and Bustle

The world is hustling and bustling around me.  People are enjoying shopping; get-togethers and holiday cheer.  I feel the excitement from these people.  I feel many trying (many succeeding) to stay on track and reach their goals for the season.

      I hear this...

"Stillness is the language God speaks.  Everything else is a bad translation."
 Eckert Tolle

May you hear the stillness in the hustle and bustle. 

Best of both worlds......     Oh yeah!

lol

                                     Rockefeller Center, New York City, New York, USA

Wish

I wish I could say I was all merry and buzzing with the Christmas spirit.  I have Christmas spirit of love and support.  I do not have the Christmas buzz with the hustle and bustle. 

Perhaps, I do not want it.  Mmmm

This year, for me, it weighs heavier on my shoulders than other years.  The cheer is not as available to me or I'm not letting it be.  The latter is, most likely, the real truth!

I feel that there are many more deeper, personal and worldly issues that it would be good to address than the obligations that I create for myself, the overindulging of food and drink, and the keep going until tired is my middle name route to Christmas!  TALK ABOUT A PARTY POOPER!!!   Yikes, I never thought I'd call myself this!  I surely am though.  lol and oh so true

I know this is the birthday of Jesus Christ.  I know that there are many magical moments to be had and lived through this time of year.  I know the lights, the festivity, the heartfelt connections are very enjoyable and warm my heart.

The, oh no, I have to do what!?!?!?!!    I have to go where?!?!!?!  ...   this is another picture of Christmas; maybe - the one that we can choose to listen, share and make good on what is truly in our hearts than just doing it because this is what we've always done.

Life is different.  There is a new normal.  There are new ways.  There is a bright future waiting for us to create it.

My wish is that you create this brightness of your life and share your truth, your joy, your heart and your discomforts. 

It's truly amazingly wondrous when I share what is true to my heart -  all the doors it opens up for me and for those I share 'me' with.  It is almost a license for others to state their truth and together we come up with a better way to move forward in our relationship and in our world through our relationships.

May you make your Christmas what you truly want it to be.... through love, open heart, truth and togetherness in co-creating each moment with the person(s) you find yourself with.

Oh, jingle bells!  lol

Heavy

I awake with a heavy heart this morning.  I'm not sure why.  I feel troubled, sad and alone.  I feel scared.   I feel  paralyzed.

Yes, there are many struggles I see and l hear about.  There is pain I feel and I notice.  There is fear of what is around the corner. 

Many questions as to what direction our people and our world are going.

I know we will be okay.   I know no matter what we will be okay.  I will be okay.  You will be okay.

I sit in this 'state' not feeling comfortable; feeling childish and not knowing what to do with it.  I sit wanting to feel different. 

I will try to embrace these feeling; feel them; allow them and walk through them. 

I walk forward trusting the process of the bigger picture; the plan and track that I am on and will continue forward with an open heart, a sharing heart and a heart that can be hurt, however, a heart that can know such beauty of just being true to one's self and being available to others.

I walk on.

May you walk forward with your heart open and feel what is in front of you to feel.  Yikes

Little More

I have a little more than a week here in Pennsylvania before going down to warm, sunny Florida for a couple of months.  My heart is happy.  I'm a bit apprehensive because of the comfort of my home that I will be giving up.  We built this home with my needs in mind.  We have all easy to grab door handles; easy to use light switches, easy to use water spigots.  The heat is in the floor.  I do not have to go into the cold garage to throw recycle away.  We have a built-in recycle bin that I just open the door and the plastic, newspaper, or aluminum drops into the garage bin.  I have lots of space and it's a beautiful home.  I am very blessed to live in it.

It is a lot of work to upkeep because it is quite large.  Hence, my help.  How lucky I am to have help.

So, now I enter an apartment lease for one year in a land where I know I belong.   I've known ever since I was 18 and had never been to Florida yet - that West Palm Beach was where I belonged.  I remember calling Andrews and Pinkstone Realtor inquiring about apartments in West Palm Beach.  I picked West Palm Beach because I loved the way it sounded.  Ha.  So, here I am at 52, and I'm going to have this apartment.  Crazy, right?   I did buy my first home in FL when I was 40, then sold that and purchased a second home in Florida when I was 44.  We sold this home when I was 49.  I have been in one place, Pennsylvania, for these almost 4 years.  Before this, when I had a home in Florida - we would more or less spend 6 months in PA and 6 months in FL.

Of course, there was good and bad to this; just like everything in life.  It was wonderful when I got tired of living one life to be able to start anew in the other area.  It was hard to put strong roots down anywhere.  It was wonderful not having to 'fight' the cold and it was wonderful to be in the sun all the time.  I thought of myself as a  'sunchaser'.  I always felt better in the warm air.

Lately, I have been feeling even keel more so whether in the freezing cold (because I stay in) or the warm weather (because I've stayed in).  These last three years of going inside myself and pretty much stopped living as to my way of what living was, has been remarkable.  I truly believe I changed my chemistry.  I know I changed my mind and body and I feel much closer to my soul.   It truly is easier for me to do this when I do not have outside 'noise' or interruptions or even just FUN being with people because, for me; it pulled me away from my inner person; my true self.  AND, I needed to know this person badly.

I really had to get to know AND BE OKAY WITH my true self.  How lucky I am that I was able to do this.  I am beyond grateful for all who allowed, helped, cheered me on.  I'm wowed by and blessed to have a husband that, very grandly, supported me to do this. 

I feel I have done this as much as I can; for now. 

It's funny how life plays out and when it's time; it's time.  So, next week, I drive down to Florida with my dogs and my husband.  It is about 1,200 miles.  So, my next chapter/journey begins.

While I wait for the day to do this to come....  it is Christmastime here at my home.  I love the peace, the spirit, the sound and feel of Christmas.  It is a time to be together and a time to celebrate Jesus' birth and a time to not work and to just be.  This is how I know to celebrate it. 

May you experience what makes you happiest this coming week and lead with open heart and a joyous spirit whether you celebrate Christmas or not.

Note:  I feel there are many suffering; may you feel a spark of light within yourself and know that you are loved and there is a reason for you to be here.  Someone, somewhere needs your spark (Joel Osteen).  I hope you give yourself permission to focus on your spark; your light, with an open heart.  My wish is for you to stop suffering by allowing yourself to feel it and process it (alone or with help); and when you are ready, let go and move on and let your loving light lead you. 

See

I see the world loving more loudly.   I see the world connecting more grandly.  I see people's hearts opening more.  I see pain everywhere.   I see beauty everywhere.   I see most of us caring more intact.   I see people living their truth more freely. 

I do not see all of this with my eyes.  I see it with my heart and my inner knowing.  I feel it.

While there is much pain and torment in our world; I have to believe that when we are connected; fully connected as best we know how in this day and age....  this connection; this care and compassion will triumph over tragedy and one at a time; piece by piece, person by person, connection by connection, heart to heart - we will have a better human experience.  It will be human and it can be so much more.

There is enough for all of us.  There is everything we truly need to have this human experience that is so short on the big scheme of living. 

I need to let go of the small, hurtful stuff because my brain is fighting an unnecessary fight and I need to hold on to trust, faith, love and allow the process of my life to unfold knowing that no matter what, I live til I die.  This seems dramatic to write; yet, it is, perhaps, the bottom line of the human experience. 

May it be time for us to let go, live pleasantly and love while we are alive.  If my heart is pleasant - this radiates out.  When I am troubled, this radiates out.

I choose to radiate pleasantness as much as I possibly can.

May you choose to radiate gratitude and all the good in you that you can conjure up.

--Buttress is the word of the day at dictionary.com.   It means to encourage or support.  Just sayin.....

Quotes to Ponder

"Whatever follows "I am" is going to come looking for you."  Whatever you say after the words I am - it will most likely become your truth.

"As long as you have breath, someone needs what you have."  You are important. 

Joel Osteen on Oprah's LifeClass

Massage

Yesterday, I had a 3 hour massage.  It's been a long time since I had my massage therapist come over to the house and work with me.  I was nervous going in and I have learned to realize that when my nerves are rampant, this is usually when my body/mind wants to speak.  It was the quickest three hours I had in a long time.

My legs and back were shut down and tight.  I wasn't allowing much movement to happen. My head, face and neck almost could not be felt.  It felt like a complete and strong cage was present that was not going to allow thoughts, feelings and certainly the masseuse to manipulate, prod and/or soften.  (hence, the three hours! ha). 

I share what comes up for me during these sessions - more than half I most likely forget by the time I get up from the table.  I laugh, I cry, I squirm, I push back.   Many times in the past, my inclination was to run.  I have learned to stay and to feel it through.  It is what works best for me to let go and move on.

Yesterday, I remember being able to put words to my 'fight' within myself.  Perhaps, just one fight within myself; perhaps, not.  I am uncertain.

However, the words that were forthcoming were that of how during the winter, I tighten up - almost put an armor on - (it's mostly on my face and head now; I've released much of my body armor over the past several years).  I create this defense against the pain that the cold relinquishes on me.  My defense is now a habit that is so strong and comes on so quick.  I am now wondering if this tightening up to protect myself from the cold (and probably other things) may be what is harming me now.

I feel the need to let go.  I want to know that I am more equipped to handle what comes my way from when I first felt threatened by the world around me as a child.   I do have the power to get out of the cold!  When as I child, perhaps, I did not as easily.

May you know you are better equipped to handle what comes your way then when you were a defenseless child.  May you use this 'equipment' to take care of yourself.

Prayer for our World

Many are crying and hurting because of another shooting spree.  This time, the horrible tragedy happened at an elementary school in Connecticut, USA.   I sent this to my friends and family who shared their pain and sadness with me.  I cannot imagine being right smack in the middle of any of these horrible tragedies because of the pain in our human race.  I pray. 

I feel compelled to share it with you.  I honor that it's your choice if it feels right for you.

Dear God

Please help the families that were struck so horribly through one of the hardest, most brutal of ways.  Please help us to see the light and support others that cannot.  Please work through me and help me to hear You as easily and as positively as possible.  Please help all of us in chaos and those that are suffering so greatly with no way of understanding and only knowing pain and agony just now.  Please hold Your people and show us a better way.  Let us represent You as best we can and hold onto each other and get through what has been created as a whole because we didn't know better.  Help our souls who are so lost and show us Your path for us so we can live in the world we are meant to live in through You.  Amen

May you connect to the light of you as easily and positively as possible and share this with our world. 

I am sorry for your pain.

On or Off

Today, I seem to have two speeds.  On or Off.  I'm going, going and going - cleaning, working around the house, doing errands, dealing with people.  Then, I'm sitting in bed with my dogs, barely able to move; tired from running on adrenaline.

I'm wondering, today, what it feels like to run in between - relaxed, doing each chore completely present; talking to each person and hearing their every word without other words in my head.

I know it's very nice because I've done this before.  I know I enjoy this speed greatly.  Yes, the high of going, going, going is not present.  However, the inability to move is not present either.

So, I'm feeling like I have many speeds.  I'm feeling that many of us have different speeds.  Some we turn to ON without the awareness of same - some we consciously have to force ourselves to enter to hit a particular speed.

What 'speed' are you running on just now?  How does it feel 'on' you?

12/12/12

Happy 12/12/12!  I am uncertain as to why AND I think today could be an important day.  Of course, every day is an important day. 

With some talk about 12/21/12 and 12/12/12 - people who find numbers fascinating and dates and stories interesting; which most of us like one or the other, today could be a good day.

May you put your love, openness, and good thoughts for our world out there today.  May you know calmness, vitality, hope and unite with the people in your world. 

May you share strength, joy, your truth and embrace all life moving forward.

I added up 12/12/12 and was interested, excited and pleasantly surprised when these numbers added up to 9!  Could this be a great turning point of our human race....  Could we have, at this exact time of life, learned so much over many, many, many moons, that we can now use these learnings to create/do/live better.

I hope so.  I wish for it.  I embrace it.

1 + 2 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 2 = 9

12 + 12 + 12 = 36  --  3 + 6 = 9

It's fun if nothing else.

9 can mean

"Nine represents attainment, satisfaction, accomplishment, and our success to achieve"

"The spiritual meaning of number Nine brings to us the very height of vibrational frequencies"

"meaning of nine reflects three realms of experience (in no order) Body; Mind; Spirit. Nine's further solidify the completion via evolution"

Quotes from 3 different websites while searching  -  'what is the spiritual meaning of the number 9'.  These anonymous quotes are what came up before entering the site.

May you achieve what you would call success, enjoy a high vibration (whatever brings you happiness), and experience and explore your own body/mind/spirit.  Just let go, feel and embrace.  Do you wanna?

I want you to.....  ENJOY   ENJOY    ENJOY

Curious and Epic

I've always been curious about this AA thing.  I saw a movie on it's creator and his wife; their life story.  Very insightful, very difficult life at times, very inspiring.   He knew the bottle had him and he started inviting others that felt the same way over to his house.  These old cars (it may have been in the 1930s; I am unsure) would line up outside his house mostly with wives waiting for their men to come from the 'get-together'.  Eventually, the creator's wife went outside and invited all the wives into their house as well where they sat in another room and had tea and discussed what it was like loving someone that had so many struggles which were made much worse and a lot of times caused by alcohol.   These meetings became known as Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. 

I watch many shows on Addiction; Intervention; Rehabilitation.   I find it fascinating and I feel it with my heart the struggles, the harm, the self abuse.  And, on the reverse side - when they find their way by living their truth, sharing their truth and most important FEELING their truth (that our human brains tell us to avoid at all costs sometimes); when a person WINS in allowing their feelings, truths, pains, and joys to come to the forefront of who they are - I feel their joy, standing strong-ness, openness, and reach-ability.  I call this owning who we are. 

To go from fighting our feelings to embracing our feelings is the one of the greatest rides of our lifetime; I believe.  Especially the people that were raised to not think of ourselves and put others first or it was labeled 'selfish'.  There were many times that people before us had to learn not to feel to survive the worse of things.  We are not born unfeeling. 

May you FEEL and be 'selfish' and care about others as well.    I'd prefer to call it self-love; self-truth; loving.   May you be connected to yours.

Thank you

Thank you for reading my blog; my words; my truth.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

May you BE and live, more full, the truth of YOU because you connected to some of my own introspection.

"Game"

Yesterday, I learned that when I say the word game - I think of it, descriptively, as playful, exciting, strategic, adherence, fighting spirit, business/profession and perhaps challenging.

My wonderful friend thought of it with the descriptive words such as pursuit, attack, abuse, trick, and competitive.

I think of the word game with a positive feeling -- She thinks of game with a negative feeling. Once we realized this, we also realized that we could never ever communicate in a clear way when we used this word 'game' in two totally different meanings other than play a board game.    Mmmmm

 

 

Game (dictionary.com)

noun

1. an amusement or pastime: children's games. 

 

2. the material or equipment used in playing certain games: a store selling toys and games. 

 

3. a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators.

 

4. a single occasion of such an activity, or a definite portion of one: the final game of the season; a rubber of three games at bridge. 

 

5.  the number of points required to win a game.

EXPAND

6.  the score at a particular stage in a game: With five minutes to play, the game was 7 to 0.

 

7.  a particular manner or style of playing a game: Her game of chess is improving.

 

8.  anything resembling a game, as in requiring skill, endurance, or adherence to rules: the game of diplomacy.

 

9.  a trick or strategy: to see through someone's game.

 

10. fun; sport of any kind; joke: That's about enough of your games.

 

11. wild animals, including birds and fishes, such as are hunted for food or taken for sport or profit.

 

12. the flesh of such wild animals or other game, used as food: a dish of game.

 

13. any object of pursuit, attack, abuse, etc.: The new boy at school seemed to be fair game for practical jokers.

 

14. Informal. a business or profession: He's in the real-estate game.

 

15. Archaic. fighting spirit; pluck.

 

 

Game - interesting word....   How do you use it?

 

 

Yikes - Do We Have to?

It seems like there is no where to hide (except through the mirror).  Mmmmm  What the heck am I talking about now?   lol

It seems like we (as a human race) are mostly being forced to look at ourselves and admit our faults, fight, allow or ignore our truth and find a way to truly be able to tell ourselves we love ourself.  Yes, I may have done some stupid things in the past.  I may have hurt others in the past.   I may have allowed myself to be led astray from my moral compass.  I would definitely do some things differently if I could have a do-over knowing what i know now and with the person I am now.

However, this is not the case.  These "wrongs" I have "encountered" in the past have brought me here.  To right here; right now.

YIKES.   You did hear YIKES, yes?   YIKES!  lol

So, I've been looking in the mirror for a long time time; I've been mad and angry and frustrated by what I've seen.  There was a time when I couldn't look in the mirror and adore myself.  This is no longer the truth....  Now, there are times when I look and say YIKES and, yet, there are way more times now when I look and I can easily blow myself kisses!

I've wondered in the past why I have to work so hard to change my thinking; my ways and my way of doing things and being with life.  Why couldn't it just come naturally and easily like it did in past situations.

I have even asked this question outloud to hear the answer - 'because you are the one that is unhappy and you want to do/know/be better tomorrow than you are right now' -  Good answer brilliant doctor who answered this for me in this way.   BIG HELP!  I got it!  I wanted it and I wanted to work harder than ever...for me.  I did hope that this would enable/help/embrace others in a big way too.

May you do the work that brings you to your most content self.  If you are uncertain what this is or how to do this...may you just close your eyes and breathe deep breaths until you feel more content and walk forward with this.

 

Sunday Morning

Sunday Morning means different things to many people.  I sit at my computer with light rain falling outside; a few brown leaves left on the sparse and branchy trees.  My cat lays under the Christmas tree next to me licking her feet calmly and lovingly.  I sit here in a bit of darkness because of the sky's cloudy/rainy nature.  The Christmas have their quiet twinkle. 

I await for my visitor to awake.

I fed my saltwater fish, my goldfish and I just 'rescued' a small black spotted catfish that has come to live with us.  My dogs are fed their dry dog food with cooked chicken on top to whet their whistles, so to speak.  The outside fish do not get fed in the winter.  They hibernate at the bottom of the 'bogs'.  Sometimes on a warmer day, I see them hanging on the top of the water and just once so far this year, I couldn't resist throwing some of their food in.  I am told their digestive system slows way down.  I think kind of like all of me.  In the winter, I slow way down.  Mmmmm

Growing up, church was always a must.  Dressing up some and going to church and donuts afterwards were our reward for going on some Sundays.  Rarely do I eat a donut now; however, once in a while, I find myself in the donut shop getting a vanilla creme donut! 

Many still go to church and it's a beautiful thing if it gives one clarity; a connection; a feeling of community and outpouring of love, forgiveness, strength and whatever positive trait they can connect to.  Some go golfing or fishing; skiing or skating.  Some stay in bed and read a book, drink a cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate.   Some go out for a run.   Some go to work.  Some, unfortunately, more than I want to 'feel'; struggle.  There are many ways to spend a Sunday morning.  

What makes you happiest?  Are you giving yourself permission to do it?  I surely hope so.

May you be what makes you happiest.

Mindfulness

Deepak Chopra on OWN Channel said something to the effect:


Be aware when you are not in the moment; as soon as you know this, you are.....

and

Mindfulness is a form of meditation.  When your mindful of what you are doing, all thoughts are present.


My human brain does not go 'here' automatically.  I am training it to do so.  As best I can....  When I fold the laundry, I feel the warmth and softness of the clothes.  When I pet my dogs, I feel how soft their fur feels.  When I eat, I taste and know that I am chewing my food.  When I type, I am completely present to this moment.

May you know your presence in each moment and give yourself more and more 'presents' each day! Ha.

I Sit & Think (uh-oh)

I sit here with Christmas music on; next to the tree; here at my computer.  I have so many people in my head.  Who is coming here today; what are they going to want from me...  Where am I going today - who wants me where.   What I have to accomplish for who today - what are my expectations about what everyone else wants from me.

How funny (funny is one word).  No one is going to leave me or hurt or be angry with me because of me taking care of my own needs.  I am the one mostly putting pressure on myself to visit right; do right, be right and accomplish right.  Whose 'right' am I trying to live up to.  If it's my own - I better stop now.  I want to stop now.  Too much pressure!  If it's another one's 'right' - again, am I self-inflicting this....Most likely, yes.

If someone does get angry or hurt - this is not my intent.  And, it's because of what is going on in their life with them.  If they are completely okay with their self and confident in their life - they will be okay with whatever my needs are.  Of course, none of us are always and forever ok and confident.  Most of us humans have a way of not standing in our own truth and not coming from deep within and living our inner knowing.  Some humans have a way of being all 'out there' and going and going so this inner knowing cannot catch up.  OUCH, sometimes we have to feel pain and gloom to let the light in. We all haven't learned easily how to allow pain and gloom so we can let the light in.  Yet, we know in our brains that being human - there is pain and gloom.  It's part of the process; the path; the growth of mastering this thing we call 'LIFE'.

The more I live my truth; stand strong in it - the better and more loving I can be to the world around me; the stronger I can be for others to lean on me.  When I am weak, I don't have much strength to allow the 'lean'.  When I am strong, happy, alive and vibrant - an elephant can lean on me and I can still breath and trust the process.

How do I get strong, happy - be alive and vibrant?  By following my inner voice, doing, through love, what makes me happiest and compromising and finding a happy ground for all who enter my domain to support them to do the same, through love.

Through love, we can still hurt.  However, we stand stronger.  When all we have is love of self - this is all we need.  Without self-love, we can get lost; create doubt, fear and lose trust. 

May you know that you are here to be loved - if you are not feeling it; most likely, you are not heading on the correct path that was meant for you to experience as human.  May you strive to stay on your correct path.  (While I say this; I believe we are all right where we need to be for this minute; however, when we are on the path that is built from the inside out; from the connection of our very own breath - and God or the your Higher Power that allows breath - this is the path that I want for us all to connect to our ultimate self). 

I honor right where you are in this minute.  I support you through belief that you are here to come from your inner knowing.

AA

I went to my very first AA meeting today.  I'm not sure I've ever been in a room with more brave people than this!  The stories, the truth, the openness and the bravery of each and every woman and man.  I sit in awe.

I feel we would all be better humans if we spoke our truth and what was/is bothering us and what we are grateful for and thoughts that we are very afraid to share for fear of being labeled crazy or 'whacked'.

This creates an environment where growth right to our very souls can occur.  I liked it.  I say bravo people that speak your truth.  You are what is going to help others' lives grow, become and be who they truly are; by following your lead.

Hats off to you - you person you - who speaks their biggest fears and shares their most quiet desires and hears and feels other people's pain.

Thank you Mr. AA creator - look at the world that has been created through living one's true self with one another as best as we can in each and every day.

It was my honor to be with these people that are looking for a better way to allow feelings into their lives and openness into their hearts.

May you allow your feelings to be recognized and your heart to be open to this truth.

I'd like one sign to be up in these rooms -  DO NOT "SHOULD" ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS!  I think this may help us to see things in real life times today.  I heard the word 'should' often here.

 

 

I think I know that by no means is this easy or there are not terrible situations that occur because of addiction; bottom line - lives are shattered and lost because of this.

All we can do is keep the flow of who we are from the inside out, support each other and move forward one day at a time.

Again, what comes to me is - what if all we had to do was live, say, breathe and be ok with being ourselves as we work towards our ultimate self and just be who we truly are from the inside out and this would create the world we are meant to live in.

A great world; an easier world; a world working together.

Hoot!

 

Heat

My heat thermostat in my family room is on System Off.   It is 34 deg F outside.  It is 77 deg in my family room.   There is heat.  Mmmm

While, I much prefer this heat over freezing - something is not working properly.  I have three other thermostats and they are all set and stable at the number they are programmed at.  They are working properly.

Quite something.  There is always something to take care of, be aware of and decide to take action or not to take action on.

I have the 'man' coming to help.  I decided to take action and call in for help.

It has been like this for a bit and I, in the past, have decided not to take action.

May you know when and when not to take action.  May you always be aware.  While not 'knowing' may feel like it's something that doesn't have to be dealt with - eventually; almost always, it will show up again and again until it is dealt with.  This is life.  There are many 'dealings' being had just now.  Some I would call 'forced' dealings. Yikes. 

We can deal with it now or we can deal with it later.  What is the best answer for you today?

May you be aware and know when and what action is best in each situation.  You are the best one to make the call for YOU. 

I am learning that no one is affected by my decisions as much as I am.  When I change my life; it affects me the most.  When I react or listen how others would want me to, I affect me most.  When I am scared or frightened when I do not listen to my inner voice, it affects me most.  When I am feeling good, it affects me most.  Also, what I feel can be mourned or appreciated by others.  It does affect others.  In the long run, only my truth is what propels me in my best direction.  It amazes me how much easier it is for me to accept and adapt to other's truths more than my own.  I sometimes accept others' truths more readily and easily than my own.  What's up with this...  It's time for me to get real and stay real about me.     

I want to own my reality and either keep or change individual situations moving forward.  I truly know what is best for me.  I don't want to live or pretend otherwise.

              Mirrors to look into; mountains to climb; roads to travel - Do this cautiously with awareness and
                                       reach for that open blue sky.  (what I think when I look at this picture).

Happy December 6

Happy December 6, 2012.  This day will never ever come again.  What and how will I live it....   Do I want it to be a good day or a bad day.

I think if I believe it will be a good day - it surely will.
I think if I believe it will be a not so good day - it surely will.

What kind of day did you believe it is going to be - were you accurate?

Do our bodies go where our minds lead?

May your mind lead your body to a fabulous moment 'just because' you are alive.

 

Discussion

While discussing with a great, long time friend how life is full of 'everything' just now; so in our face; and how my belief it that, individually, what we've been most avoiding or afraid of is what is most prevalent in many of our lives just now....  I was trying to find words to explain myself.

She came back with - 'it's just not there'.  That was it!  I have life all around me; many challenges; much beauty and many things I've been avoiding or just getting by with are knocking at my door and right in my face and the answer(s) is(are) just not there just now.

I need to go with the unknown in many instances of my life.  I want to trust the process and have the belief that where we are... is about creating a beautiful picture of what is going to be.  How we are going to be our most individual of selves and accepting and supporting of just this in each and everyone of us.  As we individualize more and more, we create a togetherness of nothing like we, nor our world, have ever known or experienced before.

This is what I feel I have to believe just now.  This is what I'm going with and I'm carrying it with me and sharing it with whoever will hear, believe and/or participate with me.

It's just not there right now and it's coming.  Everything we need, we already have.  Perhaps, we are just not connected yet.  The connection is 'just not there' just now.  However, it's coming.

May you believe, if something is just not here for you just now, IT IS COMING.  Just look for it, be open for it, be accepting of it and believe.

Believe that what is just not here just now; if we really need it - it is on its way.

May you feel that today is all about creating the truth of you and the answers that are not present today WILL be present for you when you truly need them to be.

That together, great things will be abundant and life will endure, and be the best yet.

May you give yourself permission to simply BE YOU.

Where I'm At

I am in a sort of limbo (when, perhaps, my mind tells me it would be better to do the limbo)!   I feel uncertain  or, better yet, unable to think about the past or the future.  I am only able to think of the now and what is surrounding me, around me, within me and shown me.  It is all I can do to not get overwhelmed or not quite give up - but surrender.

Perhaps, I am supposed to surrender.  Surrender and just live the moments.  Sounds nice.  Sounds different.  Feels like I want everyone else to do the same. 

Surrender to what is and be with, enjoy and support each other.  I want to be as real/come from as real of a place that's possible for me.

My connection with people is real.  My connection to myself is real.  Now, what......  Mmmmm

I continue forward walking each step, being aware of each step and participating in each step that I take.

It's quite humbling and empowering for me.

It's quite nice.  It seems like this time my cells know and my head/brain needs to catch up.  Quite a foreign place for me and it is exactly where I'm at.  I did not know this at the top of this post!  In the past, it's my head that knew what was going on and the rest of me needed to catch up and understand/buy into it.

May you not only know where you are at; accept it, embrace it, allow it and surrender to it.  Just be you in it.

Hoot, it's quite a hoot.  May you be like an owl and hoot.  (what?)  lol  yikes