Be U: Full Circle

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, December 10, 2020

Full Circle

Life consists of many kind of ‘circles’.

Full, half, quarter, roundabouts, imperfect, small, big, symmetrical and not.

My favorite has to be the perfect full circle(s). It is about completion, artistry, productivity, achieving goals and experience of many ways through one full topic and/or story. We all have a certain amount in our lives, perhaps. What comes to mind is when I used to drive 800 miles a week to work and I hardly ever need to drive now. I used to live near the beach, moved away for decades and now am back. I resisted using any blues for Christmas decorating as it never felt like blue was a Christmas color to me. I always loved red and now I find myself decorating with teals and turquoise.

I have started things that have never been finished. I have done things more than once. I have accomplished things that made me shake. I have experienced amazing, wonderful things that I never ever imagined possible. I used to fly a lot and often. I have done a lot of traveling and exploring. I find myself going hardly anywhere now and I often find myself confined between the same 'four walls'.

I used to work 7 days a week. I am thankful I do not now.

Circles. Balance. In our daily lives; in our overall life.. It just happens. We find our way. We are shown our way. We often experience feast or famine in one topic and/or story; in the general sense of the meanings.

I sometimes feel I'm running around in circles. I sometimes feel very calm and centered.

I have known wonderful, exorbitant moments. I have known gut wrenching sadness.

I have played hard. I have worked hard. Some things come/came easy. Some things do/did not.

Life is a pendulum that we ride and I don't think we are supposed to stay in one place or one way or with one belief or cemented in one mode.

We are meant to experience wonder and awe. We are meant to experience trials and challenges.

Life is no more than this. Life is no less than this. This is life... For mostly every one.

The pendulum can stay in the same place for a period of time. The pendulum does swing from one side to the other.

We were built for this.

I forget. I think different. I have fought life. I have embraced it. I have had my mind blown. I have been reassured.

Life is full of circles and balance. Life is full of many, many traits for us all.

May you enjoy and appreciate when your life shows you beautiful circles and easy, joyful balance. May you bring your love, trust and truth into unfinished circles and any great imbalances.

Tweak where you can. Accept where you cannot.

We survive. We are resilient. We are better with each other. We are better when we feel supported and, also, when we do the supporting.

Even in needing support and giving support, circles are created and having a balance between giving and receiving is pretty awesome.

The human life is an unique journey for each of us. We are all good at some things. We all enjoy some. We all resist some. We all achieve. We all learn.

We all are blessed. We all have our challenges.

This is the way it is meant to be. When we uplift another, we uplift ourselves.

May you look at the bigger picture of your whole life when it can, perhaps, provide you clarity and peace. May you look at -- this was and is, then and now, nothing or something, feast or famine, etc. especially when it can give you clarity and peace to see how circles and balance have worked throughout your life.

We find accomplishments where we look for same. May you look at your accomplishments.

You are right where you need to be for your totality of your pendulum swing, your circle of life and the ultimate balance of things that keep the 'scales' of your life balanced.

As you bring your mindfulness, awareness, kindness, compassion, and joy forward as felt, you are participating in your life; growing, letting go, becoming and building what you were born with through divine empowerment. You are also empowering life itself and all those living here now.

We are all here now in this great history-making time. We are here to help swing the pendulum and to create harmony and a profound togetherness like never ever before.

It does start with you. How are you swinging...

May you open up to the awareness of You without harsh judgment and with a whole lot of love.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!