Be U: Trauma

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 1, 2020

Trauma

"The brain becomes somewhat disorganized and overwhelmed because of the trauma, while the body goes into a survival mode and shuts down the higher reasoning and language structures of the brain. The result of the metabolic shutdown is a profound imprinted stress response.“ Google

It is known that trauma and stress are two major reasons/catalysts for dis-ease and change.

I used to volunteer for hospice and there were amazing classes, lectures, projects and conferences that were mandatory before one could do the actual work and connect with the actively dying/transitioning person and their families.

We were taught that the loss of a loved one; moving; divorce, illness and loss of a job were the top five stressors of all time.

They all have physical, emotional and spiritual consequences and it certainly can change who we are and our lives.

I would say war, hostility, and a pandemic also affect us as well.

We are all affected, react and process differently. However, no one is immune. I believe even those who may not understand, realize and/or fully participate or are fully impacted, if these situations are around us or happening to people we love and/or even know, we are touched.

Our spirits, hearts, minds and bodies can feel the energy of same. Each cell vibrates to the energy of what they sense.

Cells sense and respond to thoughts, auras, feelings and situations whether they are distant and subtle or right in our face and happening directly to us.

This surely can be considered a traumatic time.

May you be extra kind on yourself.

May you love yourself extra.

May you judge yourself less.

May you be true to yourself.

May you just be.

May you lovingly meet yourself where you are at.

May you let your gentle strength lift, guide and allow you to be, do, feel, speak all that it is inside of you out.

Namaste beautiful one.

No one knows and has experienced life and is experiencing life 100% how you do. With this awareness, may you support yourself; support others, to journey through and on in our own best way(s). Individually, together may we create a world that can only come from and through trauma.

Let there be peace, love, truth, compassion and support in our world and let it begin with Me... with You... with Us.

Thank You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!