Be U: Matriarch/Patriarch

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Matriarch/Patriarch

The eldest female and the eldest male in a family can be known as matriarch and patriarch, respectively.

I used to be very far away from this being me. I'm not so far away now. Most of my elders are deceased and if it wasn't for my sister and sister-in-law, it would be my title.

When I was young, I felt it would always be this way. I knew that I was going to age, but to understand what that really meant did not become meaningful until I have arrived. I am still young. I am not young young. Ha. Oh my.

It was so nice to be able to pick up the phone and call my mom or my aunt. It was wonderful talking on the telephone to my mother-in-law at 3:00 in the morning if we were both awake. Their wisdom was so valuable. Their love priceless.

To know that I could call and they would be there and drop everything to be willing to talk to me made me feel so loved, important and heard. It was such a gift. It is such a gift.

I miss this greatest of gifts. I talk to them still, however, I cannot hear their voice. I can only 'hear' their response in my own mind. I can only see them in my dreams. I can only remember what it was like to have their uncompromised attention and love.

Now I am the elder and my younger nieces, nephews, grandniece and my precious daughter are reaching out to me and telling me their stories of concern, accomplishments and ideas. I love it. I love it when they reach out to me. I love it when they want to talk to me; share with me. I love it no matter what I am doing or what time of the day, or night, it is. I love hearing about their lives. I am so very proud of ALL of them. I hope my elders were proud of me.

I am still getting used to skype just because I look different than I am on it... They look exactly the same. Bahahahaha

I remember growing up and us 'kids' saying just watch one day we will be able to talk to each other and see each other. A lot of us thought, I hope not. Ha.

With matriarch-ism, comes many new lessons; bending with new ways; being 'hip' or is it now called 'sick', thinking and responding as they teach me to. Keeping up with the modern dialogs and the latest trends. What a hoot.

I cannot imagine what life will be like when they are the elders. I hope their challenges will be easier than some of what the elders of the past and present went/go through.

And, if not easier - because it is not supposed to be so - then it is my hope that they will have the knowledge of and the ease of acquiring every tool that is within themselves to allow gentle strength, trust and boundless love to guide them.

I want to believe - almost need to believe - that this is the direction our world [as a whole] is going. That love wins. That hate diminishes. That support provides. That living creatures' honorable connection to each other increases and prevails.

I have no idea why I got on this subject or why I went in this direction. It is what came up so I'm honoring it by going with it.

I like where it is ending.

That the future I see is one of honor, boundless love, deep living connection and respect for every living thing in and of this vast universe. Harmony. Peace. Support. Always being there for one another in whatever time, capacity and trial and/or tribute that arises.

Can I get a silent Amen... putting your beautiful and positive sight for the future up and out into the creative energies to be. Perhaps, honoring same and bowing your head... Really believing it true, possible and being created.

Spiritual Healing of our World ON... Thank you for bringing you; the worshiper in you, into the 'mix'...

Amen. And so it is.

From an internal hug to a family hug to a country hug to a world hug to an entire universal hug... Yes we can. It starts with You. You are that amazing; important, and, as you offer from the depth of your love, your uniqueness needs to be heard.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!