Be U: It Is Heavy

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

It Is Heavy

Heavy. There is a lot of what feels like heaviness upon many of us just now.

There is change happening all around us, within us and between us.

The weather is not as predictable as it used to be. We are seeing extremes. Perhaps, we are being taught to feel safe in unpredictability; change; with the unknown, the uncommon and the new.

The computer has so much information in it that even if we lived forever, we would never be able to take it all in, adjust, adhere and/or understand it all. Never ever.

Millenials were taught to speak up, be seen, be heard, you matter. A lot of this generation were the first that were not taught that children should be seen and not heard. Quite the contrary even.

While, apparently, there were same sex people having relations and wanting to marry; there were unwedded pregnancies; there was abuse going on between ‘loved ones’; drug use has been around a long time; universe supporters were called voodoo or wacky (people that connect to the unproven or not seen; just by their own experiences); society was not always vocal about it.

Family does not just consist of a mom and dad and children. 'Family' is becoming [even] more about love, support and having our own unique goals that are not questioned but supported. Society; especially the millenials, are less afraid to speak and live their truth and this is creating new norms in relation to how we see and accept the world. Brilliant, perhaps. Life changing. Life altering. Heavy and in fabulous propensity.

So, if you feel yourself being weighed down by something just know that it may be supporting you to change and or adapt; it is just your time to live in this cycle of life; it is here to teach you a better way; and/or it is the best time ever urging you forward to delve into and live from your truth as truth does set us free.

To speak it is to lessen its power. To hide it [under the rug] is to request it to 'knock' harder.

These 'heavy' things will not quickly and easily go away by themselves. As we ignore what we don't want to deal with, it becomes louder until we do not have a choice. As we deal with what weighs on us, we open new doors, windows and/or paths and the marvelousness of this is quite shattering to the heaviness.

May you shatter what is heavy in your life by paying attention; responding in your best possible and current way; walking through it and dealing with it head on.

Truth is truth whether we acknowledge it or not. Truth doesn't change because we bury or ignore it. Truth remains truth until we walk in it and let the change of it happen.

Baby steps allowed. One step at a time in whatever order is allowed. A complete revision is allowed. A new look at the same old thing is allowed.

Whatever gets you through the heavy times, it is alright. When we live from love, kindness and gentleness, life feels more loving, kind and gentle.

What you put out is what you create. Get your gusto on. Let your gutso be full of your own stamina, joy, experiences, hope and resolve to let go and/or recreate the heavy to light. Your light. Let ease and trust be yours as you live through what is yours to live and experience. Know your current goal and focus on that.

You know best. You do it best. Your truth lived is best. Your love present is best. Your optimism is best. Your 'lack' will show up and not denying this lack will bring you your unique path presently, currently and in favor of You.

May you live your life in favor of what you know with openness into the experience of everything within you and around you.

It is not always what shows up as the journey that is heavy - it is our resistance to what shows up as our journey that can really weigh us down.

May you accept what shows up and invite your own light(ness) to help you through it.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!