Be U: Whoa Boy

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Whoa Boy

I'm very achy as I awake this morning. My body is heavy and my mind is tired. I have dental appointments beginning this week and I allow them to stress me out big time.

I am having a consultation today with the dentist before the work begins on Friday. There are many areas of my mouth that hurt and I need a 'game plan' in my head that we will both be on the same page and I can prepare myself mentally for it. Get my mental strength on - so to speak.

The dentist needs to do the same somewhat as my mouth is a great challenge to achieve any dental work.

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I'm also wanting to bring and stay in my own 'rhythm' throughout the day and not be pulled out of my own when I surround myself with other people and other situations. I seem to still, at times, lose what feels pleasant to me when this happens.

I find that when I'm alone I feel a certain way and it is me. And, when I connect outwardly, I can easily be pulled into something more challenging or frustrating and lose myself. I want to keep myself as much as possible in whatever I encounter.

I've been saying for some time now to bring my true self into any and all situations.

I saw a woodpecker yesterday while on a walk and I looked it up in Ted Andrew's book 'Animal Speak'. It said that woodpecker relates to "Do what works best for you in the manner best for you. When woodpecker comes into your life, it indicates that the foundation is there. It is now safe to follow your own rhythms."

I know this to be true for me. And, yet, I see myself being quiet or falling out of where I was and who I am when encountered with certain situations... I do not want to do this ever again... I want to stay true to me always and not be afraid to share my truth....

While talking to someone yesterday and sharing this, my whole body and scalp started sweating like everything that keeps me stuck in this was oozing out of my pores. I sure hope so.

I only want to be me; always.

May you be true to you as often as possible and whenever; wherever; however; and with whomever you find yourself.

Be like the woodpecker - stay in your own rhythm.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!