Be U: Chew

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Chew

I have been chewing on all the chocolate chip cookies that my neighbor so graciously and kindly made for me. They are very tasty. I taste the granules of sweetness with a pop of a chocolate burst and my brain tells my mouth that they are mmmmgood.

I have a small war within because my brain also has been taught that sugar is not at all good for me. I've experienced too much sugar's ability to make me sick. I have also experienced a little sugar can be blissful and make me happy and I do not feel the 'bad' from it.

Everything balanced and in moderation and when I eat the sugar, I hope to enjoy it and feel good or choose not to eat it and feel good because of this choice.

It is a choice. Yes, we can overeat and eat the wrong things and be highly negatively affected by doing so. I also believe that I can 'treat' myself to things that my brain tell me taste good if I'm aware of the bites I take and a balanced diet. If I enjoy it completely my body responds to it differently than if I eat it with guilt.

Some days I do pretty good. There are days - like these last cookie days - that I have not done as well as my body and brain are telling me I could have. They are large cookies and I have had 1 to 1.5 cookies each day. By large - I mean the size of a medium pancake. Oh my! I break them and eat pieces throughout the day. I enjoy most of them. However, as the second and third day came, there has been a piece or two that did not taste as good because I overate them.

LOL - 'interesting' topic...

So, as I sit here chewing on my first few pieces of chocolate chip cookies today, even these are not tasting good because I've had too many... So, after this piece I will stop and give myself a break. That is my plan anyway!!

But there are just two teeny tiny pieces that sit next to my keyboard on a napkin. I know I will eat them!?!?!? And, after them, I believe I am able to wait until they taste yummy again... Time will tell!

Time tells us a lot. Hoot. We do not know until we know. May we let this time of not knowing be what it is.

May you be aware of everything you are doing lovingly and hurtfully to yourself. May you keep the loving things and let go of the hurtful things. Let's start the differentiation, awareness and doing this now.

May you love yourself on...

Our kitchen getting backsplash done.

p.s.
I decided not to eat the last piece. It would not make me feel good! I will save it for later when it will taste much better! I've eaten a lot of cookies... Egad

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!