Be U: Rock and a Hard Place

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Rock and a Hard Place

I saw this on Facebook and I feel the need to share with all of you just in case it can help you in any positive light at all as I enjoyed it greatly.

"On a Rock and Between Two Hard Places"

"You can't go back, that path is closed and the person that brought you there is gone. That person was you. Along the way you were transformed and expanded into each challenge you face; you're now stronger, wiser and more adaptable. In fact, you are more 'you' than you've ever been before. You are 'more'.

You stand on the edge, between worlds. Ahead of you lies what you've always wanted, your purpose. This is what all those hard lessons and soul searching was for - to be able to live up to your fullest potential. It takes your breath away doesn't it?

Yet you hesitate. Why? An encyclopedia of excuses comes to mind. Under that weighty time...fear. You fear that now you are here where you've dreamt of being, you might fail. It's possible you fear success, don't feel worthy or up to the task. Of course, there is no such thing as failure but you can't see that from your perspective.

You feel lost. It's uncomfortable on that rock. All you can see are two hard places and yourself, caught in the middle. Every person in the midst of big change has the potential to feel like this, every leader about to step up to the podium. This is where the important stuff happens though, out on that rock.

So, know this. The rock is the pause to consider what you need for the journey ahead. It lets you leave behind what's no longer relevant and gather what's really needed. It gives you time to prepare and to build momentum (and discomfort is a turbo boost for momentum). It allows you to take stock and appreciate how far you've come. You've come so far.

Now take one step because that's all that's needed. As soon as you do that, you've left the rock behind."

I believe this is brilliance by Stephanie Skye Marian > Leadership Awareness, Facebook. Brava!

May you acknowledge where you are and let the 'important stuff' happen.

Stephanie Skye Marian

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!