Be U: What's It All About

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

What's It All About

I decided to push through my fear and something surely is pushing back. I am taking in much. I am being given more opportunity to learn and to grow. Eh gad.....

Many big changes are on the horizon. I am now in Florida - place of my dreams to live. I am still unsettled and I am having a great experience at this apartment complex. It's quite different than what I am used to and I am seeing things (life) in a new light. I had to buy oven cleaner (yikes, lol) at the grocery store today. This is something I haven't had to do for many, many moons.

I noticed that there are many turtles swimming around in the lake out my window. I've seen them before AND I just became aware of them now. I made it to the pool yesterday for a bit and there was a raccoon there taking up residence as an unpaid tenant. I look up "turtle" in the "Animal Speak" book by Ted Andrews and it says to also look up raccoon.

I was going to break down (ha) and buy tiny bottles of champagne today at the grocery store. I've been contemplating it for a while. I put them in my shopping cart. I never drink alcohol (since my daughter was born) because of the medicine I am on. During my trip around the store - I did take the four pack out of the shopping cart one time and I put it back in. When I got to the check out, it did not come up on the bar code so the four little bottles are still at the grocery store.

We are starting the process of giving up our beautiful home up north; the one that was built from our love, sweat, joy, strength and many other things.

My 92 year old aunt has decided to try a retirement home even though "she is too young". It is not an easy transition for anyone. It has been two months.

Many friends are having huge and monumental situations in their lives and we are all doing the very best that we know how.

It was helpful to hear one lovely friend tell me that their childhood home that they have returned to all their life (almost 50 years ago) is also being contemplated for sale. How lucky I am that people share their true lives with me. It helps me greatly. It gives me much perspective.

Another wonderful woman friend left me a message on my cell and not hanging up continued to tell someone in her presence about my autoimmune disease; how I don't have finger nails and how the cold hurts me so. She lovingly told the story. It was helpful and I was honored to hear her express her care from her heart.

We all have our 'stuff'.

My morning was a very 'weirdo' morning. I sit in it. I feel it. I breathe it. I trust that I will be okay and I'm right where I am supposed to be. I do wish I could GET ON WITH IT already, however.

May you keep your heart open and let it shine in others' lives so we can all find our way through with pride, excitement, anticipation, joy, love, trust, truth and connectedness.

We are all powerful beings just as we are... We breathe.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!