Be U: Peace

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Peace

Peace.

What does this mean to me now-a-days... What comes to mind is how stores/businesses used to be closed once in a while. The mall was always closed on Sunday way back when and many holidays businesses would be closed also. People wouldn't work around the clock so much. We would have picnics and barbeque with black charcoal. I remember running around the backyard as a child waiting for the coals to go white so we could cook on them. (This is what happens when I do a middle of the night post!)

Now, many carry their cell phones with them to bed. To be without one, is to feel 'lost' or 'disconnected'. How wonderful it is, to type in a few words and learn about anything at all that I find myself curious about. How wonderful it is to be able to connect to a friend or relative many, many miles apart or even oceans apart in a matter of seconds.

We used to mail a letter and wait for a response for 3 or 4 days at least. Now, if my computer is slow - (what, 8 seconds) I can find myself frustrated or feeling like I'm having to wait too long.

Much has changed in our generation. I remember when my mother-in-law had a hard time with an answering machine and a big, chunky computer game of "Space Invaders" or "pong" were our two and only choices. Now, we are reading books on a hand held screen and holding thousands of books at a time wherever we are! Whew! Quite an astonishing accomplishment. We can talk to each other on a screen and carry each other's faces around with us LIVE.

I come back to my first thought. Peace and what it means to me in today's world. I'm not sure I have it quite totally figured out. I'm not sure I have peace all the time easily gained.

Sure, I can read my book; go for a walk; move and/or stretch; go to a movie. However, this usually happens while I'm recording a show, doing a load of wash, taking pictures with my phone, writing down thoughts, and receiving communications. I'm not sure I find my peace in this...My life feels FULL. How lucky and, yet, how startling it can feel/be.

First thing in the morning, instead of stretching or focusing on myself, I grab my phone and see what's up in the world.

I'm knowing that this is a choice I make. I know that it is up to me to do different. I know it's up to me to bring peace to myself. I don't want to feel left out. I want to be and feel connected. There is a great need for me to feel connected.

Mmmm. Can I, though, allow myself some disconnectedness at times.... Can I allow myself some ME time without any 'noise' or have tos or will dos or one moments or ttyl/brb(s). Can I just BE?

I know that yes, I can. I know that it's harder than it used to be for me. I think it may (for me) have to be a conscious thought, a choice that I choose to disconnect and allow the world to flow/move/drive/tweet around me while I get my peace on.

Are some peaceful with the flow/move/drive/tweet moving through them... I'm thinking, yes, many. However, I do not know for certain.

May you know what peace means to you and may you have you some peaceful moments if peace isn't in your every moment.

We move forward together.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!