Be U: Have To Want To

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Have To Want To

There can be a big difference between having to and wanting to do something.

There is a difference when I think I have to do something and choose to do it joyfully 'just because' I am doing it so I might as well enjoy it; as best I can.

There is a difference when I have to do something and I do it with stress and unhappiness because I don't want to have to.

There is a difference to doing something the way I want to and enjoying it my way or doing it in a way that I have been told I 'should' or am supposed to.

Do you feel these differences awakening inside of you as you read the above sentences.. Is there an understanding within you present..

It is Thanksgiving here in the USA and most of us know it is about gratitude and being thankful. Do you live in the day easily as such... or do you live it in the way you are supposed to.. do you live it in the way that you want to.

If you are not quite sure - perhaps, ask yourself if you are feeling gratitude for doing what you are doing or while thinking about doing it. If you are not easily grateful, it is most probable that you are not doing it because you want to and/or the way that you want to.

May you be aware how gratitude sits with you just now with what you are doing and your plans for 'celebrating' Thanksgiving; if you do, in fact, celebrate it. I guess this could refer to doing anything the way that feels best to do it or in a way that brings in doom and gloom or anything in between.

May you meet yourself and your life in your truth from your own love and with honor.

May you participate in your most loving way that brings authentic and real gratitude within You - The way You spend the day - The way that is best for You to spend your day - As your life and your wisdom speak to You - Choose the reality of what makes you most grateful.

As you honor yourself and live your truth, you open doors for others to do the same.

If you are not enjoying what You are choosing, You are the only one responsible for same. Let your love lead not out of obligation but out of pure gratitude and joy.

Oh, to be free to create the life that gratitude rises from and lives in. May the reality of your 'happy' allow for understanding and positive perspectives of the way life, living, truth, love and people celebrate.

I wish this for All.

No more elephants in the room, dirt under the rug or anything left unspoken or not shared from the greatest of love available in each and every situation and relationship. With ourselves and one another.

We live in this unspoken truth. We live with these elephants in the rooms. We live with buried or swept under the rug 'dirt'. As we bring it into the spoken word through our well meaning and loving truth, may we all be set free to transform, evolve and create the best of what is possible in every thing, every situation and every one. It's way better than suffering and being stuck in silence; walking on eggshells. If we find our self walking on eggshells, it is time to hear the crunching aloud.

Now this is a whole lot of possibility to be grateful for. The freedom and togetherness this can create. The majority of us want to be connected, loved, heard, share and know that we matter.

It is time to live through our full selves.. our needs, wants and desires and our support, care, kindness and love.

Yes. We can. Baby steps allowed. Whatever, however, whenever You get there.. May you just get there. If You are there - Yay!

All my love, hope and prayers for this way of the world to become our reality.

I am grateful for You living You out loud; lovingly and truthfully. You go!

I am grateful for You. Thank You for being here. I appreciate it and You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!