Be U: How You Doin'

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, November 14, 2022

How You Doin'

How are you...

A common, routine question between friends, family and even strangers. For a long time in my life, my answer was mostly 'good'. I am now in a different place.

When asked how I am doing nowadays, I seem to not be able to give a one word answer.

May you realize your answer(s) to how You are doing and check in to see if it really and truly resonates and reflects your truth. May prove to be interesting. May prove to be true. May prove to become a thought provoker. Whatever comes up for You - just being aware of it may be something of interest to You.

If this does not resonate with You, it is not for You.

Honor this awareness. Honor You. I do.

With chronic illness, which is a dis-ease that is known to stay, I have been taught to believe that I will never be free of scleroderma. The good news is I was also taught that there are things that can be done and the human body so wants to heal and knows how to. It is best when I get out of my own way and let my body work its magic. To love myself and treat myself lovingly allows my body and cells to vibrate in and through its best available way(s).

Is how we are the same as what we are experiencing... Does it correlate... Is it a check into the mind thing... Is it check into the body thing... Is it a check into a project thing... Is it a check into a 'success rate' grind... Can it be a question and response that is automatic and we just let both fly through us... Does it change with the place and time we are asked how we are... Hoot. Does any of this matter...

It does matter how we experience life and how we are feeling while experiencing life... Huge. We can learn to be extra kind to ourselves, allow what we feel and be open to loving through and creating forward.

Today, part of the deep long answer to 'How are You' to me was this..

"I'm here. I can love. I have learned so much about being human and living through and on. I can use my voice. My brain. My wisdom. I'm grateful for so many beautiful things I see and get to experience.

I'm sitting deeply in a healing, a process, an awareness and there does not seem to be an easy answer that suits this. I am present. I am breathing. I care. I love a lot of people and am grateful to have them love me back.

I'm deep within the freedom of the universe. I'm in the confines of being human. We all are, perhaps.

So I am living and allowing an 'inside [myself] job' to process and grow my life, my wisdom, my possibilities. To live in my calling."

How many of us would want an answer like this when we ask how someone is doing...

Next time you are asked or you ask 'How are You' notice your participation... You decide your part. You decide what matters.

Many of the priorities that were are changing. There is distortion in many of our lives; individually and as a whole.

May we keep doing, being, living and open to our own truths and each others' truths. May we be aware of the energy and information we share. May it come from love. May it be true. May we support each other and be oh so extra kind to others and ourselves just now and forevermore.

Perhaps, we are here now - all of us - to participate exactly as we are in the exact place that we are.

May you participate through the wisdom, knowledge, open heart, open mind and the realest real of You.

May this, if You choose it, be How You are Doin'...

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!