Be U: Unsleep

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Unsleep

Sleep is important for many reasons. My most favorite reason is to just know, breathe and experience quietude. There is nothing I want to figure out. There is nothing I need do. There is a peace within, a relaxing of my cells and a rehabilitation and regeneration of my cells for my brain and my body.

How amazing the human body is. Most of us need do nothing just to breathe. Our bodies do it automatically. Our brains signal information to our bodies automatically and vice versa. The connection between our minds and our bodies is real and scientifically documented.

When I don't sleep, which is happening often lately between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m., I don't escape from this world into 'sleepland'. I like sleepland. It is a very enjoyable place for me to visit. I am finding myself journeying from being in 'awakeville' to sleepland and back again. It is a short distance and I make frequent visits between the two. I go many times throughout the night from sleep to not asleep. From sleep to awake.

I feel myself checking to see if I have my glasses on. Do I have the book that I am reading in my hand. I wake up from dreams and bring them forward with me to awakeville. It can be such a quick trip that I remember easily my dreams which seem to carry between the two.

I awake thinking to google something. I awake doing leg extensions or sit ups. I fall asleep breathing mindfully and deeply. There seems to be such a fine line - an overlap - to what I do sleeping and what I do awake just now.

I tell myself, because of certain information I have read that feels true, that I am getting 'downloads' during the night. I am transforming, growing, learning and becoming in huge waves. I am adding to who I am. I am letting go of some of what I am. It feels like a very interesting time for me.

I don't find myself stressed or freaked. I am trusting the process of this. If I could push a button, I believe I would push the sleep button at night and the awake button for the day. I have no such buttons that I am aware of. So, I accept this, trusting the process of my sleepless times and my awake times. There feels very cool to me. I feel gratitude and blessed.

When Corona first happened is when I first experienced sleeplessness on a different level. I heard myself telling myself that I was ‘holding space’ for our world and sending out love, prayers and more love. This was my ‘job’ then. My purpose. Sounds a bit goofy to me. Felt very true and real to me.

Now, it feels as though it is my job to experience this sleeplessness as my call to sharing what I have learned in this lifetime on the subject of humanness and suffering; humanness and love; being human and being true to the moment of what is and who I am and what I am experiencing.

The paths that bring me to my own 'stairway to heaven' are best present during and living in my authenticity. It is my goal, calling, love and joy to support whoever shows up that chooses to want this for their self. To be a catalyst for them to create and walk their own stairway to heaven and enjoy the lightness, joy, trust and truth of living these steps while walking home to be their authentic self.

May you walk the unique steps and staircase that are yours to walk. During your sleep and into your awakening.

The magic of your raw authenticity, through love, is the most loving and empowering life You can live.

May you let You happen and build up (grow) the You that knows how to get to the top of your life and live in it, thrive through it and share of it; the best of You which, in turn, offers others to do the same just by your example.

Now, this is super cool.

May you be super cool. Your truth. Your trust. Your love. Your life. Your way.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!