Be U: Rain

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, June 3, 2022

Rain

Rain can have so many meanings and feelings attached to it. You can let 'rain' be whatever you wish it to create in you.

We are currently getting many notifications of a 'tropical storm warning' as it is raining, gray and windy outside of my window.

I see droplets of rain on the windowpane. I hear the drops of rain going from a loud orchestration to a soft murmur.

For the next two days, rain may be here to visit.

I remember going out in the rain and getting wet and jumping in my pool with drenched clothes. I remember small flooding in a deadend street by my childhood home that would happen often and us kids would swim in it splashing with laughter and fun.

Rain cleanses the land; feeds the land. Rain can be a nuisance while driving. I used to drive 80 miles one way to work and it seemed for a couple of months every Monday morning in a row it would rain. The song 'Rainy Days and Mondays' was in my thoughts often then. It helped me to knew that traffic would be heavier and it would take me longer to make the trip.

The sound of rain can lull me to sleep. The smell of rain can be pleasant.

When it rains sideways and I have to be out in it, it can be off-putting.

Rain can be a lot of things.

Rain sounds like reign and rein with very different meanings.

Dancing in the rain can be a lot of fun.

Rain nourishes our land and makes the grass, flowers and vegetation grow. Add sunshine and Boom.

Rain can slow us down and/or invite rituals.

Sometimes, we can experience rainbows during the rain.

The quote "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain" is one of my favorites.

May you be aware of the downpours in your life. Are you letting them pick you up or put you down. Maybe, they don’t always have to affect us either way. Are you open to learning and growing from them…

May you let the whole of You agree on the best way to experience them.

Whatever makes you the most You, may this be the experience you create for yourself... the very best you can do. Be oh so true to You.

Take the reins and let your own kindness reign through You; in whatever shape it shows up. Be aware. Acknowledge it. Experience it. Question it.

You choose. Your choice. Your life. YOU.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!