Be U: Lightning

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, August 28, 2020

Lightning

Lightning. It can be seen best when the lightning bolt is surrounded by darkness.

There is always active darkness. There is always active light. In the beginning, middle and end of nearly everything, if not everything. And in between and during this darkness and light, there is so much life and living to do. This is the human experience.

Currently, in this very interesting, outrageous, challenging, very purported and energized time, the light is shining brightly on much darkness. Many 'things' have been like this for a long time. These things are now having to (and we are definitely being called to) come out from 'under the rug' and discussed, focused on, felt and truly experience the 'elephant(s) in the room'.

Oh my my my my.

It is time. The time is now. We are being opened wide individually and collectively to see, feel, look, be, and do differently many things.

I left my high rise condo today finding myself doing a full once over just to be sure I was dressed accurately and being certain that I had everything I wanted to bring with me. I truly did a once over, an around about in my mind of my self checking out the fullness, security, safety, and compliance within my own guidelines to bring comfort to myself. And, all I was doing was going for a walk with my dog. I found myself feeling almost shocked that such thought, empowerment and evaluation went through me on a deeper and more aware level than ever before.

I think more than not, just maybe, this is a very helpful and productive thing. Our own awareness of our own way of doing, being, living, sharing and experiencing life is kind of fun and awesome; if we choose to look at it this way.

May you be aware of how you are; how you do, how you live, how you share and how you are experiencing each moment of your life. What is and is not working for You.

The great news is that you have the power to change just about everything about how you experience You. You have the power to build upon just about everything about how you experience You. The not so great news is that You are the only one that has this power and this supernatural, divine power is for your use only on You.

It feels like the energy and 'lightning bolts' hitting me and going through me are teaching and freeing me to bask, live, co-create and experience life as only I can. While it does not feel easy most of the time just now, there are moments when I feel like I can experience and jump into endless number of options, situations, pathways, walkways, and roads to live in the great power of being me.

May you be open to the endless possibilities of awesome and power that is yours to live in the power of being You.

May you allow your truth of everything that is You thrive in what shows up for you and what is created by you.

Sometimes, when it feels like there are no options or paths available is the most magical time to connect to our greatest abilities to create, live, be and breathe anew.

May you trust that the light(ning bolts) that is showing up on what may feel like darkness to you is there to lift you up, carry you forward and place you into one of your most important moments, experiences, and situations of your life.

Be empowered by being truthful to yourself about what you are bringing to these light and dark times. Move forward from and through this truth and uniqueness that is You(rs). And so it is. So it may be. Amen.

May you let your love strike with every breath you take. Internally as well as externally. Bam.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!