Be U: A Woman with Great Insight

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A Woman with Great Insight

I met a beautiful woman with great insight this morning in the laundry room, of all places.

She was a family counselor that worked with families through horses and she asked me - If you were nursing your baby in the desert and both of you were dying from thirst - who would you give the last of your water to?

I did realize that the best answer was 'to myself'. Because if I gave it to my baby, both of us would surely die if help didn't come. If I gave it to myself, I would be dehydrated longer to nurse my baby.

She also said to figure out how much time a day I need for me to spend some time doing what makes me me. Plan that into my schedule and see how better my life becomes and all the lives entwined with my own.

This makes so much sense in my head/brain. It's the rest of me that questions if I'm entitled to it.

She said that me questioning my entitlement is just a learned response/a feeling. Use my brain when this comes up and continue to do what makes me me and what makes me happy for the hour a day I chose. Do it no matter what and I will have more to give; happier giving it and more content with my world.

Again, in my brain, I know this to be true. I plan to do this and see what happens. I will look at it as an experiment for today. I hope to do this and look at it as a daily thing for the rest of my life tomorrow. I believe it would be better for me to look at it as part of my life today, and I'm not sure I am quite there. I was born in April and I certainly am as stubborn as a bull; even to my own detriment.

I want to say just cut it out. There is a wall up (i'm believing a protection wall) not letting me say cut this stubbornness out right now and just do it from this moment on. Crazy that I'm choosing not to. I am choosing to spend one hour on the treadmill today. I am choosing to see how I feel after I do so. I am choosing the intent to add ME time to my schedule for good tomorrow. Fear is stopping me from changing without trying it out. Clearly, this 'protection wall' certainly isn't protecting me like I think it is.) oh, how interesting

Am I making any sense at all?

Oh, my humanness. What a gift; what a burden. Ha.

Will you choose to pen in 'U' time daily on your schedule?

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A Woman with Great Insight

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