Be U: Can't Sleep so Am I Here to Complain (what?)

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Can't Sleep so Am I Here to Complain (what?)

Complain - (Dictionary.com)

1. to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault:

2. to tell of one's pains, ailments, etc.

I have heard I complain alot. I don't like hearing this. I don't like the sound of this. Yet, when I look up the word complaint; there is my name, so to speak.

Halycon is the word of the day at the above mentioned site. It means calm, quiet, peaceful, undisturbed, happy. Interesting that this would be the word of the day when I look up complain.
I like this word better. I can't pronounce it and I like it much better. ( Halycon (HAL-see-uhn))

Anyway, I found this:

(Someone's opinion (under the name of L) under 'effects of complaining' somewhere in Yahoo.com)

basically, these are the 3 possible effects of complaining:
- Finding people who ~~will be annoyed because they~~ don't care about the things you care about.
- Finding people who care about the things you care about but have a different opinion.
- Finding people who care about the things you care about and have the same opinion.

And of course, there is a last possibility, which is that you will find someone who lives in denial of the negative things in life who will be pissed at you for messing up with the ~~lie~~ belief they created in order to be happy by pointing out how there are reasons why they shouldn't be so happy. You'd be surprised by how many people like this there are. People who will say:

"Don't get caught up in the circumstances and just try to enjoy life."
"Life is too short to worry about things."
"Put the bad things behind you and live the happy ones."
"Forget about the past and live the present."

Anyone who tells you to "forget," "put behind," "not get caught up," "not worry," etc, ~~are~~ may be people who erase the parts of reality that are undesirable. You should never just erase something just because it's bad. You should observe it, analyze it, learn from it, and then move on with the knowledge that you've acquired from this undesirable thing, and with the knowledge that you indeed live life to the fullest, enjoying the good things and learning from the bad ones, unlike people who just enjoy the good ones and deny or repress the negative ones.

Interesting. My thinking is that whatever gets you to your happy is the best answer for U. (I did do the strikethroughs and added the word belief after lie and may after are from the above copy.)

Above is one person's idea/thoughts on what can be said about complaining. I'm sure there are people that love the idea and the thinking of 'forget', 'put behind', etc. It may work for them just fine even.

What if each person is right for themselves. Are they 'right' if they are happy. Can a person be happy and complain.

I like to think of myself as a detective just now. Be true to the way I feel, share the reality of it and move on from it. See the good in others; see the good in each situation because I truly believe there is good and bad in each situation. Perhaps, not even saying good and bad is best for me. Just different ways of looking at one life moment.

I do feel like, at times, I'm saying the same things over and over again. I also feel like I am different than I was when I started this blog. I've heard myself more and I've learned more about myself. I believe this to be growth and knowledge and I believe, for me, I like growth and knowledge. I can do alot and live better because of these two things.

I'm sorry if people do see me as complaining and do see this as a constant negative. I guess they can choose to ignore me and/or not participate with my complaining. I wish them well on their journey.

Note: No one has read my posts and told me this. This comes from something within me that sits strongly with me because of someone that was once in my ear saying 'all you do is complain'. Someone I am connected with on a serious, deep, entwined level of my being. And another person, with just as strong of a connection, saying 'I don't understand why you feel this way, you shouldn't feel this way'.

In my reality, if I didn't complain; what would I talk about? Ha.

I think, just now, I have let go of their beliefs and decided to go on my own! Hip hip hooray for me.

Whose belief(s) are you believing today?

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Can't Sleep so Am I Here to Complain (what?)

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