Be U: Take A Chance

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Take A Chance

I chose, along time ago, to not really be open and not to love with everything I have because then I won't be able to be hurt.

I literally said that I won't ever be hurt like this again. And, something inside me shut down. It was when my dad disappeared from my life. I've forgiven him and know I am who I am because of this. I am grateful for who I am. I am good with who I am.

I remember the first time I had to give my dog away. I said I would never get another one because the pain of losing one is so great.

I NOW KNOW DIFFERENT. I know that it is very painful to lose an animal. I also know that the amount of love and happy I get from having a pet is MUCH GREATER than the loss of the pet. I know that I choose to focus on the love and the fun times and the laughter and happiness that I received from knowing my pet. The love I was able to share with them is the feeling I try to keep in my heart. Yes, it hurts horrible to have to say goodbye. However, when I focus on the bond of knowing my pet and not the loss, I am grateful; so grateful for knowing my lovely animal. What we shared; not even death can take away.

if I choose not to love fully and with everything I am, - yes, the pain of losing can be great. However, what I miss out on is also very great. To be open and vulnerable and feel and share - there is nothing like it when it works towards my happy and is reciprocated. There is a full contentment that comes from within.

What do they say - "it is better to have love and lost; then never having loved before". I think there is much truth in this.

I am older and wiser now. I have more tools to keep me sane, safe and okay. I'm hoping I am ready to live, breathe and share me completely. Do I dare. Yes, I do.

Step by step by step I'm grabbing all the happy I can. I'm living in the now; living in this moment. Doing and feeling what is right for me presently. The now is a present. I don't want to waste it. I don't want to not appreciate it.

Dare U live U in this moment? Dare U show the real U to your world and to yourself here in this moment.

My wish is for U to reap the rewards of being brave enough to share the real U with everyone U share love with today.

AND, each moment; each day - we can choose to share our true selves in every moment with our every breath. It even sounds beautiful to me.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Take A Chance

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