Be U: Duality

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Duality

Duality has been coming up for me for a while now. Duality - 'a dual state' (dictionary.com)

Where I once believed and experienced that I cannot feel fear and love at the same time, this is exactly what I have been experiencing.

I can have love in my heart and fear in the brain. I can feel both within my being. There is a loud duality going on that I am experiencing. A duality of being able to see life in more than one way. Questioning. The vibrations are like a concerto that includes all the notes along with many different instruments.

It feels powerful. It is a loud feeling about the world [and everything and everyone in it] that I feel like I have never experienced before in this way and to this degree.

I am being challenged within each breath. I am experiencing love, excitement and trust along with fear, stuck-ness and being easily overwhelmed. It is not so much that I am going back and forth and from one to the other. It is more that a complete set of emotions and all of life are within me and playing out through and around me.

Do I want to fight what is because I don't like it or do I want to accept what is and bring the true me into it and through it... Do things not change, eventually, anyway... I ask myself what brings me the most peace within...

May you choose peace within if this is what you wish for.

BAM! What do I do with all of this dancing, noise and information... How is it so that I am also experiencing silence, peace and the deepest and strongest sense of self that I have ever felt before...

I hear in my thoughts that this is where the words 'mind blown' come into play; up to the surface and through my awareness. WOW. 'Mind blown'

I read where the earth is vibrating at the highest of highs. I read and hear about a lot of sorrow and loss. I feel indecipherable change taking place within almost everyone's life. I feel the majority and mainstream of humankind being tattered, battered, worn, questioned, bounced about and shown to experience things to include the greatest world upheaval that has ever been displayed.

I do not wish to label it good or bad. I only wish to hold space for the best to come up and through each of us.

May you allow yourself to participate in what is being shown to you. May you keep an open heart and mind and be willing to expand into the greatest life that you can 'dream' up. May you know gratitude, forgiveness, and truth. May you just breathe into yourself and acknowledge what you are feeling/experiencing when/if you find yourself at a crossroad or overwhelmed by the information pouring into your own awareness and consciousness.

The 'roof' is being raised, perhaps. Consciousness is expanding. Awareness is in our face. New options are being offered. A new way of life is being created.

You being true to who You are and what You feel is everyone's best way forward; in a loving, non-judgmental, and easygoing way; inasmuch as possible.

May you "Just 9Be U". May you begin/continue/realize your way to 'grow yourself complete' (fully true, present and vulnerable) in as many situations, experiences, relationships and plans that you find yourself experiencing.

"Out with the old. In with the You." Michael Harrell

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!