Be U: Here

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Here

I come here not knowing what I will be typing (sharing). I come here early morning (for me) and I am not sure I know how I feel. I don't feel ugly. I don't feel great. I am just 'being'. It is peaceful. It is somewhat strange and I know that I am okay right here; right now; in this moment.

I wait for the cleaning people to come to help me to clean. It is so nice when they are done and the house feels so nice and clean. They are 1/2 hour late as I pulled myself out of bed to be ready for them... That is no 'fun' when this happens... And, I am so grateful to have their helping hands.

Yesterday was another day of waiting on a prescription and this time it was filled, but it was not paid for by insurance. I did need to take it to a second pharmacy as the first pharmacy would have taken a week to fill the order. They were helpful in telling me where to go... Ha!

It has been quite the learning experience to let go of how it used to be and go with how it is... The more I fought it, the harder it was. The more I embrace it and go with the flow, the simpler it becomes. Man, I so wanted to fight it!?!?

I will try the extended release medicine and I hope it keeps me level with little pain.

I continue to wean and if I can make it work - I will only be on this one pill for pain. That would be pretty cool I believe.

It is fall down here in Florida, USA although it really just means a break in the constant hot and humid weather 24 hours a day. I do enjoy the Fall up north as the leaves turn into bright, beautiful, vibrant colors -- and against the blue sky it is gorgeous. Perhaps, it is Autumn's way of showing us how beautiful it can be to let things go; change things up; and allow the cycle of life to, well, 'cycle'.

I noticed that it is getting darker earlier in the night. The days are shorter. The nights are getting longer.

Hibernation is more prevalent up north as it gets very cold, windy, snowy and sometimes brutal to be outside. Here, it gets so beautiful, all I want to do is be outside.

I still say I belong here in Florida. I know it. It took me a long time to get here. It is not how I imagined it would be from age 17 on and, I still believe in miracles and life being a good time. I am in search of it. And, I know, I only need to allow it...

May you allow your life to be filled with good times with a balance that keeps you thriving and keeps you your happiest.

When we are happy, it is much easier to share happy than when we are down and/or unhappy.

May you do one thing different today to get your happy on! My wish.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!