Be U: Something Different

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Something Different

It is my understanding that with the end of April 19, 2015, also came the end to the eclipse season in our sky. With the beginning of April 20, 2015, it is possible that we are able to 'see' clearly again, perhaps, more clear than ever.

On my way to the addiction doctor (yesterday), as I'm trying to figure out if the drugs I am on are more hurtful or helpful; if I need them or not; and how to decipher (if at all possible) between dependent and addicted, I saw a man up in a bucket truck cutting down many fronds of a palm tree. He was cutting many of the pretty ones off to give all the new growth a great chance at life and to be able to use all the live energy from the tree's roots and trunk for itself.

I realized that it felt that this is exactly what I am doing with myself. I am letting go of much of what I am to become everything that I want. I want my new growth to prosper, build, grow well and become a part of the most beautiful life that I can live.

This is exciting and somewhat desensitizing of the old. I am grabbing onto the new energies that I feel are circling around me; mostly around my head from the ears up out to the shoulders and as far as eternity goes. I feel it.   It is on high. It is not energy that I can go and run miles. It is energy that I am uncertain of what to do with. It is a spastic, heavy energy. It feels like an energy that holds much promise, ability and light. It is not leaving me. It is here to stay.

This morning I feel my heart beating fast and loud. I choose to think of it as ensuring me that I am alive. I stopped what I was doing when I felt my heart beating hard and fast against my chest and I stretched; I breathed; I reached up high to the sky and back to the back wall. I reached down past my toes as I took many deep breaths and I thanked my heart for its attention to get me to do just this.

I am asking the universe, et al for guidance, help and signs to place me on the best path that I can be on to work through love (in God's wonder), compassion, excitement, awesomeness, beauty and joyful fun.   I am ready to live all of me out in the world and to know that this is my destiny; my purpose; my calling and my passion.

I want to touch others in the way they need/want to be touched. I want to support others in they way they need/want to be supported. I want to uplift what needs to be uplifted though the divinity of the universe.

Note: The other day a professional asked me who made me God as I was talking about this. After much contemplation, I realize that God put this desire in me and I am going to honor it. It is the only thing I know to do.   I believe her question was from a place of love because she saw me struggling with myself and my truth of this. I believe her goal was to take the pressure off of myself.

I have not a picture of what this looks like. I can feel what it feels like. It feels like trust, compassion, love, some discomfort, some fear and always my truth being with me and myself standing strong in it. It is the best that I can ask for. It is the best that I can offer.

I am in a good amount of discomfort with these energies racing around and through me. I am not calm. I am not settled.   I am uncertain.   I am love, trust and great hope of a better world for all.

As I create, allow and be the world I want to live in -- it is my hope that others will join in (I believe they are already on this journey as well and many more will 'sign up') and, individually, together we will build the world comprised of the most beauty, love and support that many of us have dreamed of.

The time is now. The time has come. You are here on this planet now with all of us to be your truest loving self, share your uniqueness, be vulnerable and create the life that You know you are supposed to be living from a place of love, worth and trust. Step by step; breath by breath, we build...

May you create, allow and be the world you want to live in. May you focus on new growth only for now (perhaps).

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!