Be U: Eeeber Jeeber

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Eeeber Jeeber

I am getting a lot of requests on Facebook (FB) to be friends from many men. I'm a bit freaked out by it as I'm always so much more comfortable exploring the depth of life with women. It has to do with my father (a man) abandoning me at a young age. Of this, I am certain.

It is amazing how quickly one can tell that many of these men are not on FB to talk about the depth and condition of our world and the human soul/spirit! Yikes!

I am very uncomfortable when this is the case. I am learning that it is okay not to befriend someone who has completely different expectations and/or interests than my own as my FB experience is one of supporting our world and my Just 9Be U business.

I do find that I am learning to say no. I am learning to speak (type) my mind, kindly, to these men and I am learning that it is okay to be me and expect, gravitate to and allow respect, truth, kindness and respect in my life. I know I said respect twice as many of these men feel (to me) that they may not respect themselves or are in just a way different juncture in their life than where I am at (or I will ever be).

They are allowed and entitled to it and I can even honor what their road is as long as it is not threatening, changing, challenging or freaking me out or hurting others.. !

I am more and more fulfilled in just being who I am and loving my total self while allowing and respecting every one's unique path.

There is a reason (or many) that we are at this point in our lives where we are. Our experiences, challenges, hurt, successes and personality have brought us right here to the right now exactly where we are.

From this point, I can dig deep and create, allow, come from and release my truest essence in every breath.

This is my intent, plan and will to do just this.

In this, I know fulfillment of my greatest kind.

I wish you fulfillment of your greatest kind.

May you live in your own fulfillment. If you are there - hip hip hooray. If you are not, may you dig deep, feel what is your truth and let it rip! Let it come from every cell of your being; your soul, your heart, your inner knowing and let it roll easily from your lips into your voice. Speak You.

You are beautiful in your kindness, respect, and love. And, through this kindness, respect and love - may you allow your truth to build your best you; your best life... Evolve into all that you are. And so it is.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!