Be U: No Schedule

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, July 14, 2014

No Schedule

While transferring my family's life from the apartment to a new house, I find myself going with what is needed to get it done. 'Things' surely show themselves and there are plenty of 'things' around.

This creates excitement. This creates some chaos. This creates a challenge to eat, sleep and rest as to show myself love, support and calm.

When the goal is to .... (STOP)

My mind just cannot easily focus. I'm feeling I am unable to 'put out' any information as I'm full of carpet colors, paint colors, chandeliers and things working smoothly for me again as we create our home in a new house.

It wasn't exactly how I saw myself doing things and yet, this is what needs to be done. My heart wants to focus on a business and healing of myself and others and being in a world full of people.   It was not my intent to put all of me back into another home and put my love of connecting to others aside, yet again, to create a home where chilling will be an awesome experience for all that enter.

It was my intent to get my business up and running and move into a home where the inside and decorating was done. Work for me would be minimal and transferring from apartment to house was as simple as possible. Yet, this is not what I created.   So, I go with what is as I'm open to learning/growing/being in each moment as I follow my inner knowing as best as I know how.

I am not 'perfect' at this; still.  I know I am better than I've been for most of my life. I do know what I feel inside and what I want inside of myself. I've always known this, but I know it more now. I still am challenged (apparently) to get what is on the inside of me to match what is on the outside of myself. This has been a goal of mine since I was a very young adult and, apparently, it is not something I am not willing or able to give up.

Today, I give myself permission to always check in with myself and stand strong and only waver when I am not letting all of me go.

May you give yourself permission to always check in with yourself and stand strong in each situation that arises for you. May you only waver when you know it is the best option available to you in the moment and you do not give all of yourself up.

Sometimes, we just have to STOP and face our truth and go in the direction of our truth. This is the greatest strength we humans may possess. Go with truth, ease and love.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!