Be U: Pain

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Pain

"The fear of pain, at times, was a greater pain than the pain I wound up encountering." Mark Nepo

The thought of any difficult situation or my very own participation in resisting doing something or even a fear that 'something' may happen can be more paralyzing than actually moving through actual situations.

Our minds are extremely powerful. We can just about conjure up anything in our mind and our bodies respond as it is reality.

I have lived through this fear of pain for many years. I believe it is still with me in some cells of my body. I have planned many an outing only to have to cancel reluctantly, sadly and guiltily.

I have thought about cleaning my closet for far longer periods than I have spent actually cleaning my closets. lol and true

Just as in the placebo effect; when our minds believe we are taking a drug that will truly heal us, our bodies have been known to respond favorably. When we have been hurt, our bodies respond cautiously moving forward. When we have enjoyed a smell or a flavor, every time we come across this smell or this flavor, our bodies respond happily.

When I am exercising, my body is so happy because my mind tells me it is good for me and it is fun and I lovingly know it as 'me' time. When I miss too many days and go without exercise, my body responds sluggishly and seems to request unhealthier food because I tell myself that I won't be putting on the exercise outfit and I won't need to have any stamina or strength.

Oh, the mind! Every situation relies on it. Every relationship/encounter/goal relies on our mind. I had one person think that they could hide the fact that they were eating many extra calories a day if no one saw them doing so. Yet, their weight gain would tell the truth. Oh, the stories we tell ourselves. Most of us are very good story tellers.

May you realize when your mind may not be working in your own favor and actually take a few minutes to mentally change the thoughts in your mind until they feel better as to create easier and more loving productivity in moving you forward as your best self. "You know you got it, if it makes you feel good." Janis Joplin

"Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. May you be your own best friend." Debbie Hershey McMahon

Today is a whole new day. THINK the thoughts that work for you now as to who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go, how you want to do YOU and allow your own loving authenticity to propel you and your happy feeling thoughts into your future.

If you find yourself thinking the same negative thought again and again... Realize this thought and change it up. For example, I've been thinking for a very long time that my fingers cannot do that. I started thinking I can find a way to do that... and guess what -- it works. Not every time, but more than it was when I was thinking I couldn't do it. It rarely worked then!

Think well my dear friends. Think well.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!