Be U: Airport

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Airport

I just got back from dropping my husband off at the airport as he heads back up north. We found an office for him down here and He Will Be Back!   lol

It is 5:39 a.m. and I'm going to go back to sleep shortly. It is a beautiful clear night with some soft clouds and bright stars. 80 degrees.

I was listening to 'Doctor Radio' on the return trip and it was about depression and anxiety; drugs and cognitive therapy.

I'd like to offer may we all just accept where we are in our lives as much as possible and know that we are okay even if it doesn't feel so always. We will walk through. We do survive.   We do thrive.

We all have something that we think/know that we'd rather not have in our lives. And, just sometimes, God/the Universe/Allah has something different planned for us.

When I go against this way bigger plan than I, I hurt; I struggle, I know depression and I know anxiety. When I accept, process, walk through what is in my life with love, hope, and the best way I know how... I am more free to be content, happy, safe, and loving.

Whatever you are going through, whatever you are feeling - you are allowed to respond with sadness, grief, hurt.   It is the natural response to many things.

If you don't want to answer a phone or respond to an email just now; it is okay. Perhaps, you can just respond with I will get back to you ASAP or give yourself 24 hours to just be what you are.

Live in your truth. Do not fight it. Allow it with grace and love. And, if it is in you just now, allow the pain and hurt also.

May you process what you are feeling and know that it is right for you for right now in this moment, as you are, to feel exactly what you feel or you wouldn't be feeling it. Come from as much ease, love and awareness as you can and walk (or crawl) or persevere through.

When we are happy, full of love and excited - we do not fight this. Perhaps, we do not have to fight the opposite feelings either...   Just what if...

May you embrace yourself and your world as you FEEL and let LOVE, [even under any anger/hurt/pain (or is it above)] in each moment you experience.

May we not run, use drugs, shop, gamble, exercise too much, or eat unbalanced to not feel our feelings any more. May we support each other to feel and walk through these feelings embracing the miracle of just being. Breathe YOU. Know kindness, gentleness and even pain.   Then, perhaps, we can live most whole, together.

*Please note: The radio segment was a woman that was depressed and anxious because she just lost a dear close friend, has struggles within her family and just had a child. She was angry and wanted something to help her feel differently because she couldn't stand feeling this way and she felt she 'needed/wanted' to be 'stronger' than this. I say she just lost a friend, has some tough situations and life transitioning going on... she is allowed and even has to feel what she is feeling just now. The longer she fights it, the more horrible she just may feel. My wish is that she will allow herself freedom to feel what is inside her to feel and love through it as well. This is a good time for gentleness, self love and truth.

I don't know anything for sure.... I just know how I feel and what I believe and what I wish. Honoring on.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!