Be U: Challenges

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Challenges

What makes a challenge a challenge... Is it that we want something so bad, we can create a sadness or frustration around it until we get it. And, if we do not achieve it, do we tell ourselves that we are wrong or not good enough or a loser... Can it be that we want something we don't really need today or now or maybe ever... Or is it that we don't want something that is in our life that is and when we go against the grain of same, we are challenged...

Where I'm going with this I have no idea. I may be coming to the end of this blog as I have nothing much more to offer. I do feel myself slowing down writing and knowing of anything more to share.

We are where we are and when we accept this, embrace it, and/or just be with it, life is as it's easiest, perhaps. When we want someone to be different, a situation to be better or a situation not to be our truth when it is... this creates the drama, the chaos, the troubled feelings.

I am learning that being in an apartment at age 50 has nothing to do with the age. It was only my mindset that resisted it. There is a lot of ease living in an apartment. If a light bulb burns out on the ceiling, I call 'the man'. The smaller unit is easier to keep clean. I don't feel so responsible for having everything in it's proper place because I know it's temporary for me. There are no grounds to take care of. It is a simpler, easier life in many ways.

Having a larger roof over my head and one that I am responsible for .. I am in more control of it's layout and its set up. I come home to a place that is totally mine and I can do with it what I will. There is beauty in this. I've lived in a condo that I owned and had ease of care. Living under my parents roof was extremely easy as far as taking care of things but I couldn't surround myself with things I love the way I would choose to have it. The layout was not mine and my comfort was in their hands. Many roofs, many options.

May you accept each 'roof' that you find yourself under. May you see, know, feel, do and breathe the ease and love that is possible in each circumstance. May you be grateful for the roof and be aware of challenges that can be lessened just by choosing to change your thoughts about them.

Could it be this easy... I don't know. And, I am so willing to 'play' it out. I am worth it to do so. You are worth it to do so.

Just for now, may you allow yourself to be challenge-free. You can always go back to feeling challenged anytime you want. Hmm

May we honor the beauty in life and in each other.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!