Be U: Thankful

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Thankful

As I scroll through my Facebook feed today, I am seeing so many uplifting, diving deep, inspiring and loving posts and memes.

I'm feeling so thankful to connect to them just now and in awe of all the love, care and inspiration that displays through my feed.

I am so grateful to call each of You 'Friend'.

I am feeling a bit like life has me rolling and floating on what feels like a wild mouse roller coaster ride with jerks, quick turns, drops and much discombobulation with things that life is showing me just now. Oh what a ride.

And there is always light. There is always connection. There is always a beauty within, around and for us.

Sometimes, its prevalent and right here. Other times, I need to search for it. There is always what we look for present. Between hardship and love.

May you be open to see what connects you to what you feel best connected to. If for whatever reason, you cannot see it, perhaps you can choose to be it and/or create it.

I wish you peace in chaos; love in turbulence, inspiration where there is emptiness and your next step where it may be hard to know it and feel it at times.

May you go deep within when there is unrest without. May you choose to send love over worry. May your open heart and open mind understand and listen to your soul’s music.

We keep on keeping on. Even when we may feel like we cannot. There is always a next step. To breathe; To love.. are great steps to incorporate until the knowing comes forth.

May you trust the process of your life. Trust yourself that you’ll know what to do when there is something for you to do. Trust in the divine way and divine timing.

Live in your ok-ness underneath and/or above any confusion or hardship. It is usually in this breath, this moment, this experience, this surviving it now mode that you can feel and open to the depth of who you are where you being you; you being ok resides and supports You.

Even when I do not much like a circumstance, experience or feeling, I am ok through the truth of my experience with my lovelight on.

May you know you’re ok in every circumstance, experience or feeling with your true reaction to it and your lovelight commandeering your reaction.

Let love. Be U. This is your superhuman way, perhaps. The way we were born to live.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!