Be U: Night Moves

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Night Moves

Starry Starry night.

Star Light. Star Bright.

When you wish upon a star.

In the still of the night.

Night moves.

Darkness.

Nightfall.

Let there be light.

Oh, what a beautiful night it was. After taking this picture and seeing the stars, the moon, reflections, colors and lights, I realized that there are many little miracles in our every day lives. When we start looking for them, we start seeing them. When we are open to them, we experience them. When we experience them, we open up to the joy within us.

And, presently, the noise and scary, hurtful things in and around the the world can be more 'in our face' for us to process as well.

Lately, joy has not come easily or as often as I would prefer. The noise in our world is overpowering my brain and pushing back my joy. I believe that our brains were not made to jump from some information to information overload immediately. We are sitting, walking, living and building in a time unlike any we have experienced before. The whole world is connected And we can see, feel, know and experience it in immediacy and with great speed and volume.

Yes, in the past, hurtful things have happened. However, it may have felt like a lot of these hurtful things were not 'on top' of us; did not always have to do with what was going on in my life. They were 'over there'. It felt like we were unaffected. What was going on 'here' asked for my attention moreso than what was going on 'over there'.

Today, I'm feeling like we were affected, yet, I was blind to it. Now we know for sure that what affects over there surely and eventually touches us in ways we may still be unaware of. However, we can feel the effect almost instantaneously in one way or another.

The same happens when 'over there' good things happen, the good wavelengths, vibrations and feelings can almost simultaneously affect us over here... connect us to our joy; bring about joy through every day miracles.

We are being asked to learn how to process information at great speeds and high volumes.

I know there is not one path. There is your path. There is my path. There is our path.

There are always different paths to choose; to walk, to pay attention to.

May you breathe, connect within and choose well.

Choose with kindness, compassion, openness, willing to understand and grow with gentle strength.

I wish good for You, for Me, for All.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!