Be U: Here, Now

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Here, Now

My niece is getting ready for her big day in January; her wedding day. My daughter is going to school and preparing and doing her best for the hard work, tough schedule and tests. My husband is traveling some; albeit, a lot less than he used to.

I'm very grateful to have him here more than he has been, on a regular basis, then for the last 18 years. We are more together again and we are liking it.

My new medicine is still finding its balance within my life. I'm still searching for [close to] constant homeostasis.   My hands are softer; warmer. My sleep is very little to a very lot. I don't know what to expect tonight. I'm open to continuing trying this as I do see benefit to my health regarding symptoms of scleroderma. This is a pretty cool thing. I am grateful to find myself here. Not sure exactly where I will end up but for now, I am okay. I even feel excited and can't wait to run with my bad, cool healthy self.

My hands feel like they are a part of my arms and my fingers feel more mobility and alive. This is huge and this is exciting and this is the path I must take to see where we (my body and I) go from here.

I've taken a few pilates sessions again as the pilates instructor is back from vacation and I will be doing a few more as it is getting me to the gym and keeping my body moving on a regular basis. I find myself lifting light weights here at home and even planking some.

At night, after I make the mindful, silent, to myself statement that my body has just the right amount of collagen, I watch myself doing some jogging; some jumping jacks and some sit-ups in my head. Yikes. This is where never say never comes in as I never thought I'd being doing this and, yet, it feels like the right thing to do and, if nothing else, I enjoy doing it. It feels 'healing' to me; calming.

May you just go with your flow. Do what feels healing to you. Do what feels right inside of yourself to do.  Be open to your truth no matter how silly or crazy part of you may think it is.

Honor your inner knowing and be easy, loving, gentle and stand strong and own who, what, where, how and why you are who you are.

There is no other one on earth like you.  There is no other person that knows, feels, thinks or is exactly how you do. There is one unique you; here and now. Honor it. You are like you are and you are here as you are because that is the way our Creator/God/the Universe wants it to be.

Honor this as you honor you. Why not... Just maybe it and you are exactly what is needed for someone, something, somebody; even if it is just for YOU.   YOU matter. YOU are the one that lives and feels and is. So may you live and feel and be.

Just maybe, this is your greatest win of all time - You being You.   You having You. You knowing and believing that you matter just as you are.

Perhaps, the best word for accepting who we are is brilliant.

May you be brilliant; here, now, just as you are.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!