Be U: Challenged and Drama

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Challenged and Drama

I am being challenged with great intensity. As I move from my Pennsylvania house, my Florida apartment and even storage units, I am challenged with finding new doctors and dealing with pharmacists and health professionals in disagreement.

The drugs I have been on from my doctor of 15 years in Pennsylvania, the doctor down here is questioning. I don't mind them questioning it, I do mind them leaving me without my regular dosage that I've been on for at least 6 years daily while they are figuring out a best regimen for me. My body is messed up as I try to not to use up all the pills that I have until these health professionals can figure it out. They literally have my life in their hands and these are drugs that my body and mind is dependent on and I am afraid that this could go very wrong.   I discussed this with my Pennsylvania doctor and he called in the prescription but since I now had a Florida doctor call in a prescription, the pharmacist will not honor my Pennsylvania doctor's request.   I stopped what I was doing (the huge move) and went to see the Florida doctor and I finally was heard and she is willing to help me for one month until I can get new doctors that know scleroderma better down here.

I took the prescription to the pharmacy closest to my new house and she refuses to administer it as she sees that I have had prescriptions filled in a different dosage and with different usages.   I understand the red flags, I understand her job and I understand that I am doing everything by the book and I am the one suffering. I've had two main doctors helping with this disease since I was 21. Over 30 years is the one doctor and over 15 years is the other.

We have tried many different drugs and treatments. I have tried many different treatments and alternative methods.   I do not have an ulcer on my finger currently and I have been using them a lot, a lot during this move.  This is good news.

I understand that this drug is a controlled substance.   I don't understand why I am being treated like a criminal (or at least this is the way I feel) and during one of the biggest, stressful moves of my life.   Can't make this stuff up. I am doing my best to remain calm and reach out to the appropriate personnel to get this figured out so I can only focus on the move.

It's very interesting how God (the Universe) is offering this to me now. Literally, other people have control of my life. I don't much like it.

See where I go from here and I'm in awe of how these challenges feel on me. I'm not liking it too much at all! Ha!

May you be aware of your reaction to your challenges and may you do your best to live in, process on and move through them.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!