Be U: Romanticize

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, February 28, 2020

Romanticize

I woke up this morning feeling an excitement inside of myself. I feel like there is something exciting going down and I am open to it, ready for it and it is something my life has been preparing me for.

It feels nice. It is a feeling I remember well. It is a feeling I enjoy. It is a feeling, I feel, that I will always enjoy and welcome having.

The word romanticize comes to mind. May I offer for you to consider what kind of relationship you have with your own self; your own life.

I feel like I’m open to and starting to experience myself through romanticizing my life and my deepest connection available to me. This deepest possible and available connection, to me, feels like it is the one I can have with myself.

I surely enjoy people. I surely enjoy being connected in kindness, support and care. I surely enjoy the feeling of uplifting, empowering connections.

I do not enjoy bullying; one thing I have very rarely been. So rare, I don't remember an instance. Yet I know I am not perfect. I dare say that I never bullied.

Self-bullying I am certain of doing.

I release everything in me that is self bullying and I open to, enjoy and am excited about my choice to totally connect to myself romanticizing; loving everything I am and offer to myself.

May you release everything in you that is self-bullying and open to your choice to totally connect to your self; romanticizing and loving everything you are and everything that you offer to your self.

I open to my magic and my dreams. I open to my own kindness and my own love. Self support, compassion, forgiveness, mercy and respect are going to be regular things that I do daily and let this become the nature; the natural way of my being. Permeating me. The way I live and the way I respond to and through all that I encounter, experience, allow and bear witness to.

I am my light. I am my healing. I am my greatest love.

As we honor ourselves, we honor God, our Creator, who created us to be everything we are through love, abundance, wonder and lessons to keep growing, becoming and remembering how to enjoy and be true to our own needs, wants and desires.

May you let the Best of You permeate through You.

May You be your magic; your light The moon, the stars, the sun. Be the wonder, the love. Be respectful and kind.

Romanticize your life. Romanticize yourself.

As you create the greatest enjoyment(s) possible to you, you shine your brightest. Your light guides others home to themselves. Your self-love empowers others to learn to choose to love themselves.

Romanticizing is not fantasy. It is open to the joy and the good within all that you do. Knowing you are fully present as yourself and that you are standing strong within and for yourself enables you to feel safe, loved and excited about the life within you that is ready to live out.

It is so real, that when you commit to yourself, even wild horses couldn’t drag you away. ha!

Ride the waves of your wild abandonment to love, cherish and be enamored by the love and life you create for and through yourself.

May you live in the awesome wonderment of You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!