Be U: Sleep(y)

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Sleep(y)

Sleepy

Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I fall fast asleep at night. Sometimes I am up reading deep into the night.

This is one night that consists of the latter going on.

I am quiet as I roll over to sleep. I sense a healing energy in and around me. I say positive things in my mind; mantras. These mantras are what I wish and see for my life.

As I be, I be me. As I look, I can find things I’d like to change. As I feel, I certainly feel things that I’d prefer not to feel. I can also choose to see things that I love about myself, my day and my life.

I know this is living. This is part of being human. This is life as a human. It certainly is my wholeness of life that presents itself for me to experience.

May you open up to the wholeness of your life as you are experiencing it; as you experience you.

It is ok not to feel what your mind tells you that you 'should' be feeling. [Should is never a word that brings comfort. I don't like it as part of my vocabulary.] Our answers are not always in our mind. Especially answers that open us up to live freely and fully. It is ok to feel everything that is presently in you to feel.

Sleep is a beautiful thing. It is where we can find healing, rejuvenation, relaxation, escape and often a time/place that we can get really involved with our own subconsciousness. I can hear my thoughts, notice my breath, feel my way, scan my body. I can feel safe in the freedom of sleep.

May you notice the calm, the letting go, your breath and your whole being as you go off to sleep.

It is said that beautiful deep breaths taken through awareness can produce as much healing power as sleep.

May you take solid, nice, ‘aware’ breaths, time from time, throughout your day.

Sleep. Choose it at bedtime.

Breathe. Choose the awareness of it from time to time.

I wish you rejuvenation, relaxation, rest and respite each and every time you are craving it.

Perhaps, many of us have chosen to ignore the call to sleep believing this is the way to go even when our subconscious is begging for rest.

I believe the choice of sleep and rest can be so overwhelming.

What if sleep is one of our 'jobs' as a human being... What if it enables the most easiest, greatest, powerful, productive, alive, fortunate, able, creative and accomplished person we can be... Sleep.

May you let it happen.

Balancing between being this human being and your own human doingness is brilliant.

May you let the brilliance of you happen.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!