Be U: Where I'm At

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Where I'm At

It is the first day of work for my husband after a 15 day holiday. It was lovely not watching the clock; losing track of the day and just being with my family during the Christmas and New Year holidays.

We brought the new year in splendidly and we were up til 1:30 a.m. on New Year's Eve. It is really enjoyable having a grown up child that can share life not just as a parent/child relationship but also as an adult/adult relationship. Very fun and interesting indeed. We are still learning and becoming our adult relationship and enjoying it way more than not.

My health is always an underlying issue in every breath I take. I do wish it was not and, at times, I am grateful for the positive it has brought into my life.

I am still in the middle of doctors, pharmacies and drugs being administered and understood. There is unrest in the doctor's office, the pharmacy and definitely within myself as the patient. Last time I tried to fill my prescription for pain medicine, it was from a Tuesday to a Tuesday and the pharmacy ended up giving the prescription back to me as they would not fill it because they could not get a doctor to call in to confirm script; it was two days early to drop off; and their machine was down... Yes, my head spins with these answers, these connections (or lack thereof) and this process. My body aches with the stress, pressure, fear and truth of unease and pain.

All I know is to walk through and be true, loving and open to the best of my ability. I have a call in to my doctor up north that, perhaps, he can help with a doctor here in the south.

So many times, I am told, I 'shouldn't feel pain'.

It is a very interesting place to find myself. I walk on knowing that I will walk through this like I've walked through all of my life. This journey is me living. This journey is part of my life. This journey has many sides, impacts, unease but also ease, greatness and love.

Our human journey is complex. Yet, as I bring this humanness into 'what is' as I know it, feel it, see it and experience it - I know fulfillment.

I do not know many answers. I don't even know a lot of the questions. I am learning and standing stronger and stronger in what I feel and experience. This is my uniqueness. This is my life. This is my life experience. I believe in it. I believe in me.

May you stand strong in what you feel and experience. May you allow your uniqueness. May you allow your life. May you allow your life experience. May you believe in it. May you believe in you.

Fulfillment on, through and in the journey of YOU.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!