Be U: Doctor Doctor

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Doctor Doctor

I am having some time with finding new, knowledgeable, fully helpful, one stop doctoring here in my area. It has been over a year.

I am having issues with pain and not having enough pain medicine. I am being asked/told to take more and more tests; same of which I have taken for the last almost 40 years. Yikes! I don't mind once in a while but every 3-6 months when nothing has changed in my symptoms. oh boy

I was told yesterday the doctor could not increase my pain medicine from 4 a day and he was helpful with a pain management doctor. The person that called to take in all my information from the pain management office had clear view of my past doctors from forever but had never heard of scleroderma.   Ouch

I was asked who this and that doctor was. He asked me where my back pain was. What has America come to...   I have no back pain.

It truly does make me Not want to be 'sick'.   I am being open to this being a possible good thing?!?!?

So, today, I try another doctor.   I'm going right to the big gun (yes, perhaps, it would've been good if I started here but I guess it wasn't my journey). I am going to Cleveland Clinic in West Palm Beach.

My husband saw that there is a woman doctor there whose passion is scleroderma.   She won't be in the office until October but there is a stand in and so I will go see if they have anything they can add to my repertoire of knowledge and to see if they can also be the one to prescribe me enough pain meds so that I won't be afraid of taking it when I need it and running out, having to beg and feeling like a criminal all while feeling weak, pained and frightened of same.

Oh the web of our lives. We all have something. This is surely my something.

Is it possible that this is showing up in my life because I struggle with taking pain medicine and not taking pain medicine... Anything is possible. This is not a time to say hoot - although it almost typed out. Ha!

So as I go forward to my next quest, I am not comfortable. I need drugs to just get the drugs that I was put on so many years ago and that, yes, my body is 'dependant' upon. or is it addicted... I don't know if my body knows the difference.

Yet, my mind understands it. It is a struggle none-the-less.

May you walk your truth in your own struggle from a self-love, self-nurturing place as much as possible. It is the very best we humans can do.

I wish you as much ease, love, healing, heart and inner knowing as possible. May you bring you and your life forward, with love, completely present as you.

Unknown

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!