Experiment

Sometimes, all we can do is experiment.

Without experimenting, we do not know many outcomes.  Without experiencing things our self, we do not know how one feels (or 100% how we would feel) regarding certain situations and/or circumstances.

I have now been advised to take a drug that can cause lactation, both, in men and in women. 

We have come to this because when I was pregnant and until after I was done nursing, I had no signs of scleroderma; not even purple hands.

Another doctor and I have tried progesterone cream in the past to mimic pregnancy.  I am learning better now that progesterone is mostly prevalent in pregnancy but prolactin is prevalent during pregnancy and nursing.

I have to try it.  I have to know.  Do I want to be lactating..  No.  Do I want to be pain free and healthier.. yes.  So, I will try this pill that may cause lactation.  It reacts to increase our prolactin levels in our hypothalamus which is the part of the brain responsible for production of many hormones, temperature regulation and houses our pituitary gland which is known as the "master gland' which helps the system work well in unison (homeostasis).  The hypothalamus creates homeostasis in our bodies which can help keep our immune system 'normal'.   All very interesting 'stuff' to me. 

So, with some 'weirdness' and even 'shame', I take this pill as another experiment in finding healing from dis-ease.

I know where the weirdness comes from but what about the shame...

I think it comes from not being perfect.  To need something different, alternative, or not the normal.  Just to need (for me) seems to bring the feeling of shame up.

I am sure this is from childhood.  Things I told myself about my feelings of not getting my needs met.  Things I told myself of being too needy.  Things I told myself that I was wrong about how I felt.  Things other people told me that I took as truth. 

Hmm.  Interesting indeed.

That is all 'bull'.  I am allowed to get my needs met.  It is my job to get my needs met.  It is okay to need.  Being in need is part of being human.  Feeling is a part of being human.  Feeling is a wonderful part of life.  Could we imagine life without feelings in it.  How dull it would be.  Feelings just may be our human way of creating, following, allowing, growing and becoming a better version of our self.  Feelings can fulfill us.  Feelings can feel 'un-fun'.  And, yet, these 'un-fun' feelings are what changes our path or let's us know that we can do different, better, more or even less than we are doing.

May you experiment with your feelings by allowing them and even befriending them.  Your feelings are real for you.  Your feelings are what makes you you.  No one else feels exactly 100% all the time the way you feel.  How unique we all are.

Feel away.  Allow love to be present as much as possible.  Allow openness to bring you forward through evolving, transforming, becoming and, yes, feeling all that is present to feel.  It is time to feel the real you [all of who you are] and let your feelings guide you with your breath, your self, your life and your experiences.

May you feel everything that presents it self to you.  Perhaps, through love, compassion, gentleness and truth. 

 

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Thank YOU

I just want to thank you for stopping by here and 'visiting' with me.  It is my hope that I can touch something inside of you that will spark your own beauty, growth, inner knowing, strength, or whatever it is you need in the moment to connect to the truth of who you are and to let the real you grow, shine on and live out.

The people from the countries listed below are currently here with us.

May we be our own best friend; our own best self and live our own best life; individually, together.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It is my honor (and sometimes with fear, but always with truth and openness) to share my individual life with you hoping to connect to you(rs) and hoping for you to connect to your individual self and life that is you/yours to yet live. Whatever it is that your loving wish is for yourself, I wish this for you.

Thank YOU.   Namaste.



United States

Russia

Germany

France

Mauritius

Mykonos

China

United Arab Emirates

Canada

Romania

Jordan

Malaysia

Jamaica

Saudi Arabia

India

Thailand

Believe

'When life feels like it is falling apart, it may actually be falling into place'...

How nice this feels to think of the unknown; the changing; the challenging; and the topsy turvy way that life can be and feel and present itself as like it is falling into place rather than falling apart.

When you are experiencing a lot of change and are uncertain in the ever changing moments, just what if life was falling into place for you instead of falling all apart.  It may actually be doing both but to think that it is falling into place feels more stable and more safe than not. 

'The only thing for certain is change.'

Sometimes we have small moments of positive change.   Sometimes we have weeks and/or months or even years of change that we have to settle or resettle ourselves in.

Sometimes things feel like they stay stagnant or same old same old.

When I look at the big picture of life, it seems to find its balance within.  In each of our lives, we have known happy times.  We have known difficult times.  I have heard it said that life is like a tapestry.  On this side of being human and alive, we see strings, knots and overlapping lines.  Once we leave this human body, we see the other side of the tapestry and it is the most beautiful and clear picture of our life.

It is okay to not know.   It is okay to not feel okay.  It is okay to be in a disheveled way of living.  It is okay to not like it.  It is okay. 

I am learning that when I walk through with my truth, my open heart and mind, I am walking through my life as best I can. 

I am bringing the best part of me; the part that knows fulfillment and wholeness just because I trust the big picture of life and I know 'it is what it is' and even through pain, we are alive and have the ability to choose love as often as possible.

May you choose love; love of self, love of our ability to choose the way we see things, love of our ability to believe in positive possibilities and change; love of others, and love within the moment as often as possible.

May you believe in your own power to know, be and experience love.

No Words

I have no words as I come to my computer and open up this blog. 

No words in my mind that want to type out through my fingers.

I resist as I'm not optimistic.  I'm not with good news.  I'm with tiredness, weakness and not knowing where I go or what I do next.

A doctor has me trying a new medicine for circulation to my extremities.  It is one I have not tried before.  I must try it in hope to get energy and blood flow to my brain.

My brain seems really tired and heavy today.  It is abuzz with vibrating nerves and tinnitus.

I breathe deep.  I sit heavily in my chair.  I notice that my shoulders are relaxed; my core is holding me up.  My feet are on the floor.

I connect to the beautiful picture of the palm tree and the pelican.  I connect to the fountain flowing continuously.  I connect to the really green bamboo shooting out from its leaves its happiness.

I do not know anything that feels important today. 

I must allow it to be okay.   I want to allow it to be okay.  It feels best when I allow it to be okay.  Just maybe, it is okay.

Perhaps, where you are, right now in this minute, it is okay. 

May you just believe that 'it' is okay and in this minute you are okay.   Breathe.

Just maybe, you are even 'awesome'...  Whatever word that comes to your mind that is positive, may you use this.

May you feel life inside of you and around you.  Perhaps, no judgment, just feel life. 

Perhaps, just for this minute, it can be a beautiful self given gift.  Accept all as it is (if only for this moment). 

Breath

Our breath.  Your breath.  My breath.

How so many of us can take breathing for granted.  Our bodies breathe in and out without us having to do anything.

Some people with asthma and/or other dis-eases know how important breath is. 

When one cannot 'catch one's breath', it can be scary, horrible, and life threatening.

Without our breath, we do not live.  With our breath; perhaps, with each breath, we can know peace and allow for relaxation, stillness and gratitude. 

How grateful I am that my body breathes for me and as I let my mind wander to my breath, 'noise' shuts down, my body relaxes and I feel the strength of who and what I am.  I know my breath and I know stillness of living in my breath.

I've been doing this a lot lately.  Just watching my breath and also 'playing' with the uptake and output of my breath.  

I can breathe with my nose - one or both nostrils.  I can breathe with my mouth.  I can feel cooler air coming into my body; warmer air going out.  I can just watch it and not judge but just let it happen.  I can count to 10 as I breathe in.  I can count to 10 as I breathe out.  I can control my breath.  I can hold it. 

I can breathe in and imagine filling my belly up like a balloon would fill with air.   I can breathe out and let the air 'escape' from my belly as my belly pulls in.

I can fill my lungs up to capacity.  I can empty them until there is no more air to come out.

We humans have breath.  How beautiful breathing can be.

May you breathe and be aware that you are doing so; just maybe, from time to time...

 

Permeation

I picked up an antibiotic yesterday.  I finally found my way to getting a prescription for same.  It does feel right for me to take it.  I know to take probiotics as the antibiotic works on killing the bad bacteria but it also kills the good/healthy bacteria.  So, with a probiotic, the good bacteria has a chance of living/growing.  It is my understanding that it works something like this.  Certainly layman terminology.

So, I will take it for 10 days and see what happens; if anything.  My thumb did start to heal on its own; heading in this direction for sure.  It has been itching.  My whole hand and all of my fingers have been itching.  It is my experience that a itchy wound can be a sure sign of healing. 

It is dark in my room where I sit to type this.  Out of the window, I see my fountain with the little water spout bubbling up over the side of smooth greenish stones.  I really enjoy it and I feel gratitude for it.

I recently realized that there is a difference in knowing gratitude; being grateful for and feeling gratitude.  When I was offered to feel the gratitude in my body that I was sharing, I immediately felt my heart opening up and outward.  It was quite beautiful.

I'd like to offer you to know gratitude; talk about gratitude; think in grateful terms; share your thanks and feel gratitude within your body.  Allow it to spread throughout the experience; the moment of you feeling gratitude.

Like an antibiotic spreads throughout our bodies searching to kill off bad bacteria, let gratitude permeate your body, mind and soul to relax; open up to; and experience the joy of being thankful.  It carries one far. 

May you let gratitude carry you far.  May you experience it within, without and in as many moments of your life as possible.

Gratitude on, in and out.

 

Healing

Healing is such a beautiful thing!  I am healing.

The rash is just about gone and my thumb is quieter than it has been for about a month.  I heal!  My body heals!

This is a wonderful experience for me!  I can heal!  I am doing it as I sit here typing a post to you!  Yay!  Yeah baby!  How wonderful!

I don't have the experience of healing too much in my 'repertoire'.  I am adding it to my subconscious mind and to every cell that makes up 'me'.  I can heal.

I am extremely tired.  It takes an awful lot of good, empowering, powerful energy to heal.  I am healing.

So, as I tire easily by the slightest of movements, I accept this as my truth because I am healing.

I always have found the human body and the way it works to be fascinating.  How glorious is it that we do nothing and we breathe; our heart beats, our food digests and so much more.  Simply miraculous. 

Our bodies want to do what they were born to do.  While our body is a human form, it is also a spiritual process. 

The way we come about.  The way we miraculous work on 'auto-pilot'.  The way we heal.  There is a lot of unknown about it and it can be a trusted work of art. 

Spiritual to me means trusting the unknown that we are living as; in; with and about.  The spiritual essence of myself is to be, breathe and move forward not knowing much; not knowing how I will; and not knowing (fully) from whence I came to where I am going... but trusting it all because I believe in something way bigger than myself.  'Spiritual'. 

Of course, there are many more definitions that could be conjured and looked up I am sure.  But a positive belief in something unknown to have a miraculous outcome can be known as spirituality; to me.

May you get out of your own way and let your own 'spirituality' live strongly within without.   May you heal and let the journey of healing take its own unknown course and just believe it is possible to be so... if this feels right for you.

I wish for you fulfillment in good health; a good life; and an excellent journey.  Believing through all the harsh experiences and challenging times propels us through life in a fulfilling, good and excellent way...  just maybe.

May you believe in your experiences, who you are and where you have been and where you are going.  May you believe in your own awesomeness.  The miracle of you.