Be U: What

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, February 7, 2023

What

I come here not knowing what I am going to say or share. There is nothing wanting to come through so strongly that I am ready to type away and blog to.

It is getting darker later and I really enjoy watching the daylight expand with each day that passes by.

There was just a full moon recently and there are clouds and a breeze off the ocean. They were reflecting on and playing with the water as the sun went down tonight.

I saw a pelican flying low. The freshness of the salt air is such a gift to breathe in.

As the sky turns from light to dark, the stars and the planets light up and shine down.

I heard and felt a lot about listening to the universe today and I am very aware of it speaking.

While I want it to be, feel and sound beautiful, I am tapped into the chaos and frustration also. It must be within me for me to so easily experience it.

I so love being connected to the peace, love, light and I love being 'high'. High vibes. High energy. High connections. High fives.

And, that is not always the case with us humans. We are here to experience all that life is. I don't think there is any one of us that gets 'out of here' without being unscathed. Untouched by the tremors of hardship and pain. Untouched by the beauty and flow.

This is one thing that we are all as One. We feel. Even when we choose not to feel, that is a feeling.

Life can feel utterly scary. Life can be feel amazingly wonderful.

May you open your heart to the life that is yours just now. May you feel, experience and feel your angst when it comes. Feel the beautiful within and around You.

I said something today about there being beauty in pain. Sometimes, the allure is not readily or easily accessible but as we look for it, and even choose to be it through our highest self, it is there. Perhaps, you have heard someone say that a hardship they have experienced and lived through was one of the best things that ever happened to them.

The balance in our overall lifetime usually travels between the angst and the beautiful and everything in between.

May you breathe in the beautiful and trust your own love, truth, and self through the angst.

Honor your life as it is now. Honor yourself as You are now.

May we honor each other. May you realize the peace in your life through honoring what is.

Let your reality be genuine and your love always present; as much and as often as possible.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!