Be U: Being Truly You

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, February 5, 2023

Being Truly You

It is much easier for me to share positive and honest posts of living with what is and accepting what is and loving ourselves through.

In truth, life does not always and it is not supposed to be (maybe) what feels best and always in da flow of goodness. Always 'good' is not my experience.

Life can feel hard, difficult, strange and disenchanting. Hard when I don't feel good. Strange when life or what is happening is awkward and/or far from fun. Disenchanting that no matter what I tell myself or how I look at things, there are moments and situations, relationships with others and self, that just are and feel difficult.

I am not loving the way I feel in this moment and I'd certainly rather feel more pleasant and comforted. I do not. I feel irritated and there is an achiness and discomfort that runs throughout my body.

I can tell myself I'm supposed to feel this way and to go with it and love myself through. That feels good to hear and be open to adapt into.

I can tell myself to wait a bit, I will eventually feel better.

And, I can also feel mad and sad that this is my truth just now and honor my mad and sad. This too feels ok.

To get lost in the madness and sadness and not send love, light and hope into it, does not feel great to me.

I have ignored these feelings. I have numbed these feelings. I have honored these feelings. I have owned these feelings. I have really infused myself into these feelings. I do not think I have ever just fully and wholly let them take me where I (or they) really want to go.

What I would consider anger being out of control or being mean because I am sad is not a place that invites me to feel good about myself. This is me from and through the experiences of being me.

Sure I have had moments where anger overtakes me and I reach a boiling point. I have felt sad where feeling lonely and blaming it on being the result of what is outside of myself instead of owning the part of me that creates for myself to feel these things.

And, I vibrate higher and feel best about myself when I can release my anger through ways that are non-threatening or hurtful to myself or other than myself. I feel best when I let my sadness live out loud and know that it is what it is that I am connecting to inside of myself that is making me sad.

If someone doesn't like my long hair, it does not affect me because I do. If someone suggests that I am not a good person, it doesn't quite affect me, because I know I am. If someone says you 'should' be doing better or different or more -- this can affect me because there is something of that that brings me inside of myself and there is a part of me that can believe it and wish and want to do more like I used to; like I think would be great; that I wish that I could do -- even when it truly just isn't any where in my being to do other than what I am.

Connecting to yourself as the true love of your life will bring everything loving into your life. Being truly You with judgement or through an unloving channel is never ever the best way to walk on.

May you light yourself up. Love yourself up. Believe in yourself. Count on yourself. Admire Yourself. as you Truly Be Yourself.

Not in a way that one person is better than another. In a way that we each are good enough as we are as we honor who, what, when, where and why through our love, truth, trust and openness of what truly feels genuine, authentic, kind and often so real it can be awesome.

It is okay to not always have good moments or to not always feel good; to honor each moment and all the ways that You feel.

In this, being truly You, honors and uplifts ourselves and all of our lives.

Let it be okay to feel what You feel. As you honor and let love, our beings know we are greatly supported.

Let it be okay to feel what You feel. It is okay to be angry and feel irritated. May you realize this irritation/feeling comes from inside of You as we never react to something that is not present within ourselves. We cannot be provoked if it is not something that we connect to within ourselves.

Let's really and truly love our neighbor by living from our own truth, trust, love and wisdom.

May we be guided and led to the best parts of being truly us... in and through all our feelings.

May You be guided and led to the best parts of being truly You... in and through all your feelings.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!