Be U: Peace Within

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, July 29, 2022

Peace Within

“If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.” Unknown

Wow. Wow. I am liking this one a lot. Brava. Bravo. Yes.

I never much liked conflict. I still do not find it relaxing as I find myself holding on to this same belief.

I am starting to look at it differently. Conflict may appear/show up as to open doors to kindness, openness, vulnerability and to create for ourselves a better understanding of living and/of each other.

Every time I was forced to face conflict, (it very often had to come to a 'force' pushing me to it to make me go 'there') it almost always came out with a solution to a better way. Most of us want to support each other and feel connected and cared for. Most of us care. I was often the 'go-between', the 'peacekeeper', the 'spiritual wayfinder' that would lead the person(s) and situation(s) through the conflict that had arisen and/or was present.

It was never fun in the beginning. And when I found myself in the center of it open to delve deep and for everyone to be heard, there were always willing participants and caring people that were open to find a solution. Now, that to me, is one of life's greatest blessings; greatest joys. To create peace where there is adversity or misunderstanding through miscommunication or lack thereof. It is a wide open door if we let it be. To feel heard and to know we matter instead of turning off, running from, be uneasy or letting anger fly free.

When I don't say something that is important to me at the same time my truth and my feelings arise, I am allowing conflict within myself. I am hiding. I am making what matters to me unimportant. I am, perhaps, making myself small. When I speak up, out and from the truth of what arises for me, I am showing courage and love. I am showing trust and vulnerability. I am putting it 'on the table' so to speak so others may do the same. No matter. This is what I choose because I am giving myself the freedom to Be Me. This is a freedom to create and live in my own peace. This is a vulnerability that allows change for me; for others; for the situation. And I like this possibility a lot. When it works [and it usually does], I love the outcome. It is a big deal. It is the world I want to live in.

May you give yourself the freedom to Be U.

If this is the world I want to live in, I must be willing to live it through myself first, perhaps.

May you be aware if you feel conflict, do you keep it to yourself and, maybe, create war within or do you address it with love and openness to process, dissolve or alter it into a better way.

Conflict means a disharmony of action, feeling, or effect. When we speak into the conflict with everything that brings it about for us, it is the only possible chance of resolving or changing it so the feeling of it will not fester and grow.

It always eventually shows up to be addressed in different, louder, more serious and more harsh forms.

Jump towards conflict to walk through it with the best of intention and to know what the reality of it is and, maybe, even where it comes from.

May we all care with open, loving hearts and minds. Oh the beauty that lives within this place of openness and love.

May you know it. breathe it, live it, be it.

Peace not War. Oh the things we can accomplish and empower through this way of living. Praying for good for all. Harmony and homeostasis/equanimity for all.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!