Be U: White Sunburst

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

White Sunburst

I was out on a boat today. The sky was the color of many different blues. There were fluffy white clouds that looked like cotton balls. The water was a deep navy blue and we could look down and see through to the bottom. The water temperature was 88.4°F. The water temperature. I knew I was going in. I had to. The water was calling me. The water was heavily salted and so divine. My entire being let go and relaxed deeply and fully. I heard myself say that any stress within my body, I release here now, knowing that it will fully dissipate.

Earlier, before we got in the water, as we were cruising in a wide open sea of water - void of other boats - I heard myself pray to let my body and soul be free to fly together in unison and experience life as I am supposed to. With an ease of my body and the brilliance of my soul, I prayed for my body to soar with my soul. The word 'spirit' came to mind and I went on thinking about the difference between soul and spirit. What came up for me was that the soul is strong, everlasting and solid; it remains steadfast. Spirit is flighty, ever-changing and soars but also can feel defeated; and it can experience everything in between soaring and defeat.

My spirit interchanged throughout the ride. My soul remained steadfast My body enjoyed relaxation and openness. It also experienced free and open movement by adjusting with the flow of the water's movement underneath the boat.

I became very aware of the sun glistening on the water. The breeze feeling very welcomed. The heat of the sun bright and intense. The salt water on my skin glorious. Moments of peace and meditation. Moments wondering if I can pull myself back onto the boat. Heck yeah I can.

During the day I felt bursts of energies within myself and around me. I knew I was experiencing a gift; a blessing.

It was just a normal experience of me being me and I was pleasantly able to tap into so much more. It was the experience of watching me experiencing the boat day.

It felt like a gift of connection, play, and openness. My soul, spirit, body and mind fully engaged in an experience of oneness with everything.

There were bursts of me being me in a gloriousness of life and all that I am and all that was present. It was a full experience of me being me as I was called to, able and felt right tapping into.

I feel to call it 'white sunbursts'. It felt like something that would be a burst of brightness and pureness. A divine energy of trusting all that my heart was open to; all that is; all that I am.

May you open up to the gloriousness of your life and all that you are and all that is present in your experiences of you being true, open and trusting You. Everything you want and need to tap into... Everything that you do tap into.. Just maybe, some moments can feel like 'white sunbursts' opening up your experiences of You being You with pure and full participation, awareness and oneness.

'White Sunbursts' - they are happening. They will take us forward in the most brilliant of ways. Non-binding life.

Your truth, trust, openness and awareness of You being You and responding accordingly. There is nothing more beautiful. The white sunbursts of You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!