Be U: Crazy Hazy Daze

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, July 25, 2022

Crazy Hazy Daze

These days are interesting. 'Interesting' is one word for them... My experiences of chaotic-ness, survivors, wisdom seeking, laughter, upset and 'IDKs' are abundant and (what feels like) blasting me.

The fire alarm system is being tested in the high rise I currently live in. The alarms and warnings are going off. I'm uncertain if the elevator can be used as it says not to use it when the door opens. The Management Office does not answer the phone. When I called Security, the person did not know the answer. I went for it as I had a contractor waiting for me 21 floors down. Did I mention that I have a 'thing' with elevators for a long time now. It is called 'fear'. [Underlying as it is, it has stayed with me.] And, It all worked out.

I felt like I had many choices of response. I stood without a response for a moment or two and then I just laughed. I heard myself saying that God is showing me how strong I am.

Perhaps, that is what is happening for You. You are being shown how strong You are. Even when we don't feel it, to admit it is strength.

Every person I talk to has 'interesting' things going on in and around their lives. Many are in 'survival mode'. There are some that are in 'thrive mode'. There are some that are in 'sit back and do nothing mode'. There are some that are in 'get angry and let the tension go' mode. Some are in 'push forward mode'. Most of us probably alter through them as this is what being human really is. #realtalk

How You feel matters. There are real reasons for feeling what is coming up. For me, it helps to investigate the feeling. See it from outside of myself. Sometimes, a clear answer shows itself. Sometimes, there is a lot of haze between what I am feeling and the answer.

Honor where You are. Honor what You are feeling. Honor You.

What is your very best way of doing this? What does the reality under (or is it above) the feeling show/tell You? Are you feeling your best way through? Is love present? Can you reach love? We can choose to feel what we need to and, yet, feel our best in the situation. Give and feel a kindness to ourselves that opens up trust in ourselves. A trust in the process.

May you always support You.

Breathe deep. Relax into your body. Open to your truth. Process what is present from the most loving part of yourself that is available to You.

Perhaps, this is how we can be as cool as possible in the heat of a moment.

I wish you your cool as possible in the heat of the moment.

Amazing is what is happening in our world just now. There are many other words to describe what is happening. And, there has never been a more amazing time as every one and every thing is touched as One.

You are here now because who You are and what You know and how you share You matters.

Matter on beautiful one. Matter on.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!