Be U: Words

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

Words

Words. Each one has a meaning. Words put together create meanings. A paragraph can create a full imagined picture in our minds.

And, I'm thinking, that there is not any of us that will experience any one thing exactly as another.

I came to my computer thinking that I was going to write a post titled 'Blah Blah Blah'. When I got here, 'Words' came forth as the title.

I've been feeling a discomfort within that comes from listening and processing stories of how this life [that is here now] is being experienced by many of us. There seems to be an across the board feeling of tiredness that feels extra difficult (mentally, physically and spiritually). Yet, from within each one of us, an unique story is alive and happening; growing and becoming.

Truth isn't always prevailing or being lived through. Habits are being wrought by our newfound experiences in this lifestyle of change and processing.

We are feeling things we may have buried within ourselves. We are creating things from so much uniqueness and around the world connections. We are challenged processing things that we never needed to process before. We are being asked to be open to know a deeper peace. We are being forced to explore and really see life as it is. What used to happen only over there and to other people are touching all of us.

Lessons in our own breathing and breath are more available and transparent than ever before.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Perhaps, it's time to let the words go and offer a peaceful existence within ourselves and each other. Feel our way forward. Feel our way through. Feel.

Who are You through your feelings only... Can you choose to honor your feelings... Do you want to... Do you think they matter... Do you think our feelings, possibly, could lead us into and through ourselves to come out most true to living what is inside of us outside in the world...

May you feel and honor and respond lovingly to every feeling that is with and/or in You.

Be Uniquely You. Feel the uniqueness of You. Honor your uniqueness.

On the other side of these feelings, as we honor them with our own love, they are processed and released; free to create and not weigh us down.

What words will we then choose to use and create our stories of our lives afresh...

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!