Be U: Untitled

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, November 12, 2021

Untitled

I come here without a thought, a reason; maybe not even anything but a desire, a will to.

I was out on the deck, high on the 21st floor looking at the light clouds, the bright stars, the dark water and the lights illuminating their red, orange, purple, white, green and ambiance.

The 'live entertainment' never loses its charm with me. I appreciate it as I see it. I am enamored and my heart and being expands into and with it.

I sit here now aware of my breath. I sit here legs crossed and feeling my shoulders relax and the city lights shining in through the window of my office. White, red, blinking, still. It looks like a dance of lights whispering in the night.

It is quiet but for the hum of the computer, the water flow of the fountain and the keypad being 'played' by my not so normal fingers when a thought, a word, a sentence shows up from within me to share.

I am in the dark but for the light of the computer screen.

I am thankful for the loving, appreciative, blessed, open energy I am feeling in this moment.

Oh, the world is on fire in the way of the Phoenix. What no longer holds true is being disintegrated. What is shows on large picture screen, perhaps, on the wings of the Phoenix. What will be is like the Phoenix as a rocket being fueled by the energy we are putting out and associating with; individually and together.

What do you want for the future... What do you want for each 'now' moment that you find and feel yourself residing in... What kind of breath is breathing through you... What are your thoughts, your energy and the level of love you are thinking, feeling and vibrating at...

May you participate from the places inside of you that uplift, heighten and bring about the You that You wish to experience.

Good new is that only You can create what you feel. Perhaps, the not so good news is that only you can create what you feel.

How about we look at it as good news. Breathe deep. Open up to the feeling you wish to feel just now.

What does it feel like in your body... What does it feel like in your mind... What does it feel like in your being, your organs, your cells...

Is there a color you are reminded of just now... Perhaps, you can see something that is this color or find this color and put yourself in it.

Is there a dance that you want to do or a movement your body wants to feel... Give yourself the presence of it.

May you tell yourself all the good things about yourself. May you show yourself something that you want to do and can do just now... May you turn on your lovelight and let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

You are an amazing miracle. May you treat yourself as such.

Namaste'

Until we meet again... May you let your self-love grow.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!