Be U: Me/You

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, November 20, 2021

Me/You

I sit down at my computer and go to blogpost and open myself to what comes up for me.

I hear myself saying it's a good time to share a bit about me here. So, let's see what comes up -- shall we...

What would come up if you were to share a bit about You just now…

Apparently, I am not as openly ‘free running' about myself as other things about life, living and being true to ourselves.

I live in South Florida, USA. I used to live north of here (approximately 2,000 miles) for the earlier parts of my life. When I was 17, I came up with wanting to live in 'West Palm Beach, Florida' without ever being there or knowing much about it other than it had the ocean, warm weather and palm trees. I just liked the sound of the name West Palm Beach.

Yeppers.. I am living in the area of West Palm Beach now. My mailing addresses down here have been Boca Raton, Riviera Beach; Singer Island, Palm Beach Gardens, West Palm Beach and now I am back in Riviera Beach.

When I was in my early 20s or so, I took a program/test on 'what I want to be when I grow up' and it was Fitness Instructor. I did become a Personal Trainer and had my own Fitness Company called "Beachin Bodies" and my tagline was "Make Yourself a Beachin Body".

I am a mom of a wonderful, brilliant young woman that I cherish with all that I am.

I have been married for 30 years and with this man for 36 years. I got married when I was 31. Had my daughter when I was 34. We got married in Hawaii and spent 3 glorious weeks there. We went back for another 3 weeks for our 15th anniversary and brought our daughter. Aloha.

I've always loved the beach as far back as I can remember. I lived in Margate, New Jersey, USA very close to the beach and this is where I did personal training for individuals and I taught water aerobics, weight training and worked in the high rises and casinos in Atlantic City doing group classes too. I worked 7 days a week and for however many hours it took to meet my clients' needs. Some days it would be 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. I worked for the Jewish Community Center there and the school board for adult classes doing country, hip hop, big band, workstations and all kinds of fun classes. 'Firm It Up'; 'Burn It Up" "Stretch It Out" with visual meditations and conscious breathing at the end of every class. I was in Heaven. It was my Heaven on Earth as I was by the beach and exercising. Heaven. Two things that I loved that were a part of me and seemed to be invited by and created through listening to my soul.

I eventually realized that stretching, exercise and connecting to just the body was not the complete 'everything' of being human.

I learned that I knew the body, along with the mind, soul and spirit was the 'complete everything' of being me; being human.

Because of the dis-ease, Scleroderma, that I was diagnosed with at the age of 21 (had it since 17) and telling myself it was an 'inside job' - my own - to heal because no doctors, alternative healers and/or other routines and regimens were, alone, able to heal me. I found myself learning, investigating, researching, feeling, listening to, open to and living through my own inner wisdom with all the knowledge that I gathered. I started transforming and evolving living from the deepest truth of myself.

Pain had a way of opening me up to all of this in ways that, I believe, was meant to be.

I am realizing as I write this that I had many dreams that came true. I still have many dreams and I certainly believe that there are ones that most definitely will show up for me.

May you realize some of the happiest times of your life. Be grateful and feel this part of you deeply. May you dream and know that you can achieve any dream you dream.

May you dare to shine in and through your inner wisdom, soul and beingness. Let your love and your knowledge guide you.

Be extra kind to yourself. Always self-talk nurturing yourself. Be the You that makes you feel like you are living your Heaven on Earth. Trust in divine timing. Keep dreaming. Feel these dreams in every cell of your being.

Perhaps, There is no better time than now to 'explode forth' into the truest, most loving version of You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!