Be U: Trust Thyself

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, June 12, 2020

Trust Thyself

I'm having a moment where I do not feel sure of my ability to do what needs to be done. I hear myself asking if I have enough energy, stamina, insight, foresight and strength to do what needs to be done.

I know this to be done is something that I'd rather not do. Is this why I question myself... If this was something that was fun to me, would I be feeling this way...

Inside of myself and deep down and above it all (or is it below it all), I know that I will get to the side of what needs to be done is done. And before I am doing it, I am letting the thought of same weigh heavy on myself.

I am breathing. I hear myself saying positive self talk like I am calm, I am cool, I am able. I will do this my way and all will work out.

I am also hearing negative talk like I feel abandoned, I don't want to do this, Why me, and I am in this alone.

So, with this awareness of where I stand just now... What is a woman to do... !

I breathe. I know I am prepared as very best I can be. I know I will bring my truth, my love and my wisdom into what is to come. I know that most of the people I come in contact with will be kind and caring, helpful and they are just doing the best that they can do also.

I tell myself right here, right now, I am fine. I am good. I am doing this moment and in this moment, all is well.

It is my hope that being kind to myself becomes just one thing I always am; kind to myself. I am open that when I hear doubt or feel fear, I say here is this feeling again and I can change it by being here now in this breath and not in a what if or how mindset.

Trusting the process of life and trusting myself to be here for me now in whatever capacity feels best and most kind and true.

I am learning a new and better way of being in a new and different world. By bringing the truth of me with me and my belief in my capability that my truth will open the exact doors and windows to the best paths forward [in every situation and experience I find or place myself in], I walk more confidently.

I have me.

May you know that you have you and by living out through the truth that is within you is the most badass way to live.

It empowers. It empowers ourselves, each other and the world.

May you get empowering and empowered.

"Just Be U". "Just 9Be U". "Grow Yourself Complete".

Live exactly through what you feel, what you know, how you are, who you are and let YOU BE so.

Inspire Yourself by being true to yourself and allowing your truth to lead you through kindness, love, strength, courage.

Many of us are having to create new and different ways.

Keep the you that you are with you from the gentlest and truest place inside of you. Perhaps, this is the greatest strength we can tap into and live from.

Expand open and out from deep within. Innate knowing and living on.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!