Be U: Birthday

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, November 8, 2019

Birthday

Today is my awesome daughter's 25th birthday! Whoop, Yes it is!

I find it amazing that I always dreamed of marrying and having children, of raising children. I never, for whatever reason, found myself dreaming about what life would be like after my child is grown. I never thought about my interests, plans of what life would be like after my time of being blessed with being needed and being involved in my daughter's growth and her own 'becoming'; about my life after being a mom of young children.

And now here I am.

I always tell her ‘thanks for being my daughter’. I always say ‘our kids are our best teachers’. One of my favorite songs for her is ‘I Hope You Dance’ by Lee Ann Womack and Sons of the Desert. While she was growing up, I know she remembers me singing ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ to her by the Rolling Stones (great lyrics and music).

Our relationship is different now. It now consists of her 'adulting'. I am so proud of the young woman she is and the fabulous and brilliant life she is creating, building and so mindful of.

Her favorite color is pink. Her favorite animal is an elephant.

She was born 9:19 am on Tuesday, November 8, 1994. She has been and is one of my greatest accomplishments and one of my greatest challenges. I am so very honored to call her daughter. I admire her and stand in awe of her. I sometimes find myself flabbergasted by what she does next. She is one of my greatest life lessons. She is one of my greatest joys.

She is way up there on my 'of extreme importance' priority list.

I remember leaving for the hospital close to 5 am. I had a natural childbirth which consisted of me mostly screaming. Through her birth, beginning with singing and talking to her in my belly to singing and talking to her as an adult is one of my greatest constant heartfelt connections I have ever known and will ever know. #grateful

May you stop from time to time and relive in your mind and remember in your heart your greatest accomplishments, loves and successes. May you feel your deep gratitude for these things.

I am reminded who I was every step of the way. I was far from perfect and my love for her was always within me circulating its presence.

I know life coaching is my next me; my new agenda; my life as I am now.

May you know in what direction you wish to go and claim it.

Thank you my beautiful daughter for choosing me as your mom and for being you; helping me to create me and affording me one of my greatest privileges which is being your mom.

I believe in you. Im in awe of you. I love you.

Always and forever.

Happy Birthday brilliant and beautiful daughter. May you dance in and through the truth of You.

May you, my gift also; my reader, live innately in and through the truth of You. Thank You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!